Preface:    There are several instances in the Bible when we have a man married to more than one woman; and there are several instances when a man has both wives and mistresses. What’s up with that?

I took a slightly different approach to this doctrine. As I have gone along in my verse-by-verse examination of Scripture (at www.kukis.org), I have made comments now and again about polygamy. I have included pretty much all of those comments in this doctrine. Along with those comments, I also wrote some additional material on polygamy and it is all included here, so there will be some overlap in the material herein presented.

My personal prejudices: I am a normal male (sort of). So, if I could justify polygamy Scripturally, I would. However, we are not allowed to bend Scripture to support this or that doctrine or cause.

I.       First, we must acknowledge that there are several instances of polygamy in Scripture:

         1.      The first recorded instance of this is Gen. 8:19, where Lamech, also the writer of the first outlaw, bad boy song, married two women. Lamech was a descendant of Cain, and he also killed another man. In other words, the first instance of polygamy is not a poster boy that we ought to emulate.

         2.      Abraham had one wife Sarah, but her maid Hangar became his mistress, and Abraham fathered a child by her—at Sarah’s insistence, by the way. The end result was a great deal of stress within the household, to the point where she and her child were sent away. Gen. 21

         3.      Jacob obviously had two wives, and one might even find him more justified here than in any other case. He worked 7 months for his uncle Laban in order to take his daughter, Rachel, in marriage. Laban had Jacob marry the older sister, Leah, instead (apparently, Jacob did not find out until the next morning whom he had been with). After marrying and having sex with a woman, even though Jacob did not realize who she was, means there were no take-backs, and Jacob was stuck with Leah, the older sister. He worked another 7 years for Rachel. When he separated from Laban entirely (given Laban’s behavior with regards to his daughters, it is reasonable to suppose that Laban took advantage of Jacob in many ways), Jacob also ended up with the personal servant for each of his wives. Having children became more of a competition than the natural outgrowth of a marriage, and they ended up with 12 children, all 4 women participating as mothers. God did allow these 12 sons to make up the Jewish race, but we are told that God is able to work all things together for good (Rom. 8:28). To give you an idea as to how dysfunctional Jacob’s family was, the brothers banded together to sell their youngest brother into slavery because they did not like him. Gen. 35 37

         4.      It is not clear whether Moses was a polygamist or not. His first wife left him, then she returned; and then we don’t hear about her at all. At an advanced age, Moses marries an Ethiopian woman (a Cushite), which irritates Miriam and Aaron no end (Moses’ sister and brother—Num. 12:1). I think that it is likely that Moses’ first wife had deserted him by this time or had died. Her father seemed to be spiritually mature, but there is no indication that Moses’ first wife ever was.

         5.      Gideon, one of the judges, had many wives, which McGee comments on below:

         6.      David had a number of wives. He married two women before ruling in Hebron; and he married several women in both Hebron and Jerusalem. Now, even though to a man, this might appear to be the life; David has power, he has money and he has several wives; this is not necessarily the case. It will be clear that many of David’s problems came from his man children whom he sired but obviously did not spend time raising (obviously, as king, David is going to be spread pretty thin; having 20 or so sons and daughters is going to make things doubly hard to have a fatherly influence. 2Sam. 3:1–5 5:13–16

                  1)      Okay, you are now convinced as to the importance of the nuclear family; now, why does God allow David to have several wives? God is a gentleman and He respects our volition. God allows us to sin; He allows us to make grave mistakes. With David, this is a matter of teaching by example: if David, a man of great spiritual integrity and with almost unlimited resources, cannot control a half-dozen kids by as many wives, then it should be clear to us that we will be unable to properly raise our own children outside God’s pre-designed family unit. I am sure that this has been said before, but it does not take a village to raise a child; it takes a mother and a father.

Taken from: http://student.ucr.edu/~smara002/cs6/ all the questions/the_thousand_wives.jpeg

         7.      The most famous example is Solomon, David’s son, who has 1000 wives and mistresses. There were several problems: Solomon’s foreign wives turned him away from God and to their own idols. Also, there was obviously little or no true happiness found here, as Solomon pines over the Shulamite woman in Song of Solomon. Can you imagine Solomon suffering from unrequited love when he has 1000 women to choose from? There is no possible way that Solomon could have gotten to know the souls of these women.  

         8.      God does not completely restrict the free will of His people. That is, a person does not enter into marriage with a second person and then immediately get struck down by lightning. However, simply because we find cases where God tolerates sin, that does not mean that it is allowed. A simple example is: drunkenness is a sin, but many of us have the wherewithal to spend the remainder of our lives drunk. Now, God might remove us from this life via the sin unto death; but there would clearly be a period of time where God indulges our overindulgence. At no time should this lack of immediate discipline be interpretation as God condoning this practice. So, simply finding instances of polygamy (and other sins) in Scripture does not condone polygamy.

II.      Since it is obvious that God has allowed polygamy in the past, why can’t we get some of that?

         1.      To summarize, just because men in the past have had multiple wives does not mean that God approves of polygamy or that polygamy is as valid a life choice as monogamy. God made Eve for Adam; God did not make Eve, Sally, Jessie, and Molly. Throughout Scripture, principles of marriage are applied to one man and one woman; and some categories of men, e.g., kings, are prohibited from having multiple wives. Furthermore, despite what we men might see as advantages in having more than one wife, is clearly outweighed by the disadvantages. You may recall the wives of Elkanah. First of all, he had a favorite wife. Because of this, his second favorite wife gave his favorite a hard time—she found the one area in which she excelled and the favorite did not, and she rubbed that in. That caused continual tension in the household and the favorite wife was generally unhappy. When Elkanah’s favorite wife was unhappy, Elkanah was also unhappy. These circumstances did result to the birth of Samuel, but it was not the circumstances of having two wives which actually led to this birth—that was God’s will based upon a prayer of Hannah’s. As we will see later on in David’s life, his having several wives did not cure him of having a roving eye; and he got himself in serious trouble over a woman, despite the fact that he had several wives.

III.     Spirituality by imitation:

         1.      One of the principles of Scripture is, we don’t simply pick a person in the Bible and copy them. This goes for the Old Testament, the gospels and the book of Acts. Some of the worst cults in history have been the result of simply copying the life or actions of this or that person in the Bible. The most prominent example of this is the charismatic crowd. They observe that a few people get the ghost in the book of Acts, that many of them speak in tongues, and so, they try to imitate this experience. Now, this may seem harmless enough; after all, the men who spoke in tongues, who received the Holy Spirit, were great men, for the most part, and shouldn’t we make an attempt to follow in their footsteps. But here is where things fall apart:

                  1)      Paul, in his epistles, does not tell any church or any individual, you know, you have no real spiritual life; you need to get the Spirit. Neither did John in the book of Revelation when addressing the lukewarm church. In fact, there are no mandates anywhere in any epistle for us to seek out God the Holy Spirit and to get Him. We are told to be filled with the Holy Spirit; and that is a command; but that is to be restored to fellowship. It is for those who already have God the Holy Spirit.

                  2)      Secondly, and this is completely ignored by charismatics, the means by which they get the spirit bears no resemblance whatsoever to the New Testament historical narrative. They want to have this experience; they want others to share this experience, so you have them leaning their heads back, just letting sounds come out of their mouth, until they feel it or get it. Sometimes there can be an intense group pressure to get the spirit; sometimes not. But, in any case, the mechanics never match with what we find in the book of Acts, where the Holy Spirit descended upon the Apostles, and there did not seem to be any sort of decision which they made to get the Holy Spirit.

         2.      Now, I have gone off on a tangent here, but the simple principle is, you obey the mandates of Scripture; you do not try to imitate this or that experience or person. I can guarantee you that, between naming your sins to God, learning the Word of God from a good pastor, and obeying the mandates which you come across, there is not going to be any time for you to try to imitate anyone. It is going to be completely irrelevant to your life.

         3.      In other words, even though you read that David had many wives and that David was a man after God’s own heart, this does not mean that you will be a man after God’s own heart if you marry several women. David had the husband of a man murdered; a woman that David took in adultery. This is clearly anti-God; so, despite the fact that David was a man after God’s own heart, we still do not get to commit adultery whenever we have a chance or kill off various people that will cause us inconvenience.

IV.     Causes of polygamy:

         1.      Simple sexual lust on the part of the man. David had a lot of things on his mind when he was king; so he did marry several women, but not as many as he could have. What appears to be his final marriage, to Bathsheba, is clearly preceded by lust for Bathsheba.

         2.      A large percentage of women, despite what we find in the media, desire a family and children. Under circumstances of war, particularly when a nation has been completely subdued in war, the women significantly outnumber the men. Either the men who have conquered them or the men (men of substance) who remain marry several women in order to fulfil the desire of the woman and to perpetuate the people.

V.      Let me interject a general principle here: God has an ideal, and this ideal is designed both for individuals and for society as a whole. God does not rail against human pleasure, and therefore, bans everything that might be fun: polygamy, extra-marital sex, homosexuality, drugs, drunkenness, etc. There is a balance, and within that balance, there is room for relaxation and human pleasure. When satisfying human lust becomes the focus of a person’s life, the end result is drug addiction, alcohol addiction, sexual addiction and a myriad of other additions. These people who fall into these addictions, who attempt to satisfy their every lust, are not happy, they are a blight on society, they ruin their own personal lives, and they cause great disfunction within their own families. Quite obviously, this does not occur all at once; it is a gradual process where pleasure becomes more and more the focus of one’s life, to the exclusion of all else and all others. God puts parameters upon human conduct, which parameters serve to increase one’s happiness, not decrease it. It’s like a football game. You cannot have a game where anything goes. A team cannot just choose to have a 5^th down because they really want it. A dozen men cannot physically brutalize a member of the opposite team to death. Quarterbacks cannot take the ball into the stands, and run through the stands to make a touchdown. There are parameters to the game which makes it enjoyable to the sports fan and to the participants. Anytime these parameters are pushed, there are problems. However, these parameters—these rules and regulations—are a part of what makes the sport enjoyable. You cannot simply put an arbitrary number of participants of varying sizes on a field, with arbitrary equipment, and then tell them to play ball (or whatever). There must be rules, guidelines, strategies, parameters. All of life is the same way. Although we stupidly blame oil companies when they make huge profits, this should not concern us. However, if these profits are achieved by lying, deceit, and murder, then we should become concerned. There must be parameters—ethics—in business. You simply cannot walk into the office of your biggest competitor and decimate their workforce. Even your diet and what you eat has parameters. I personally love deserts with chocolate, but, I cannot simply eat chocolate all day long. I would reduce my lifespan and suffer a myriad of health problems. There must be parameters on what I eat and when I eat. The same is true of marriage and family.

http://utopian-polygamy.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/jpg/utpolygamy.jpg

VI.     You might say, you can’t legislate morality! Virtually all legislation is morality. With respect to the illustration of business above, there is legislation which determines what is fair and ethical in business. In fact, we have even determined that, even if a business does so well as to shut down all of its competition, we cannot allow a monopoly either. That is a moral decision our society has made. Taxation and who pays what, is a moral decision. Personally, I think our tax structure is immoral, and that the high tax brackets for the rich is incredibly immoral. Personally, I’d rather see all taxes to range from 10–20%, and that even the poorest among us would have to pay taxes, because I think that it is moral that if they think the government must pay for this and that, that they understand that some of that money is coming right out of their pockets. You may completely disagree, but, the key here is, we are making moral decisions here with regards to taxation. We are legislating what we believe to be moral and right. When we can kill and when we can’t is a moral decision. Some believe that, with regards to medical care, if someone wants this or that procedure, no matter how slight the chance is for survival, they should get it, without regards to cost, and any hospital or insurance carrier which disagrees is bad. All attempts to preserve life should be allowed; however, we have tolerated, as a society, the destruction of fetuses/babies in the womb. Without any scientific evidence whatsoever, we have, as a society, supported the whim of a mother (or right of a mother) to kill her child (or, to terminate her pregnancy). The very language that we use is designed to make us sound correct in our own moral judgment that we make. So, yes, you can legislate morality, and yes, we do it. Therefore, we even have legislation which deals specifically with marriage and family.  

VII.    There have been other faiths which have believed in polygamy. Joseph Smith, a founder of the Mormons, claims that God gave him divine revelation concerning the rightness of plural marriage, which is found in Doctrines and Covenants 132:61–62: And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else. And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified. This is not Scripture, by the way; this is Mormon Scripture, so-called. They have other scriptures which reject polygamy: Jacob 1:15 2:27 Ether 10:5.

         1.      We don’t have confusion like that in the Bible; even though there are men who are polygamous and that is never hidden; neither is it justified or praised. As we will see in this doctrine, Scripture condemns polygamy.

         2.      One of the fascinating things about the books which Joseph Smith transcribed, is that he wrote them in King James’ English several hundred years after King James. This language was used in churches, but not among common people; so, Smith’s holy books are also written in a church-y language.

VIII.   Biblical statements concerning polygamy: We have briefly looked at a few instances of polygamy, and, during narratives, rarely do we find a practice clearly disparaged in the narrative. However, in other areas of Scripture, we should be able to find Scripture which seems to support or reject polygamy.

         1.      God specifically designed one woman for one man. When Adam had been created, he observed, after naming the animals, that there was no corresponding creature for himself. God created a woman, a help designed for him, whom Adam named Eve. God created only one woman for Adam. God did not create several women for Adam nor did God create another man for Adam, thus precluding polygamy and homosexuality. Gen. 2:18–23

         2.      Although the Bible records several instances of polygamy, in each and every case, where we know more about the relationship apart from it simply being polygamous, is that there were great problems as a result of polygamy.

                  1)      Sarah insisted that Abraham throw her maid and his son out of the house.

                  2)      Jacob’s sons became so jealous as to sell their own brother into slavery.

                  3)      Even with many wives, David and Solomon both continued to lust after other women. David’s sons and daughters caused huge problems for each other (including incest and murder) and for David; and it is clear that David was not there for them as a guiding light. Solomon’s polygamy just about bankrupted Israel (along with his other projects).

         3.      The person most able to have a polygamous marriage is the king of Israel, and early on—in fact, hundreds of years before Israel even had a king—God made it clear that kings could not have multiple wives. Deut. 17:17: A king must not acquire many wives for himself so that his heart won't go astray. He must not acquire very large amounts of silver and gold for himself. Two things a leader should not do: overtax and indulge his lusts. Here, here!

         4.      Something which is rare in the Old Testament: narrative is combined with a moral judgment when it comes to Solomon’s wives: King Solomon loved many foreign women in addition to Pharaoh's daughter: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women from the nations that the LORD had told the Israelites about, "Do not intermarry with them, and they must not intermarry with you, because they will turn you away from Me to their gods." Solomon was deeply attached to these women and loved them (1Kings 11:1–2). Much of the narrative in Scripture refrains from making moral pronouncements. In the case of Solomon, his violation was so flagrant as to require it. Furthermore, this should indicate to us that polygamy is against God’s plan.

         5.      The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered them, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matt. 19:4–6 Gen. 2:24). Although our Lord is not dealing with polygamy directly here, but divorce, the principle is, the two (a man and a woman) become one flesh. What God joins together, man should not separate. This indicates that marriage is a divine institution, and that a man and a woman are meant to be permanently joined. This at least implies the exclusion of same-sex marriage, polygamy and divorce.

         6.      The one husband-one wife principle is upheld in the epistles of Paul: But because of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does (1Cor. 7:2–4). Although Paul’s topic here is not polygamy, it is clear that God designed one man for one woman and vice versa.

         7.      Church leaders are to be the husband of one wife (1Tim. 3:2, 12).

         8.      There is an obvious parallel between Christ and His bride, the church (and, in all analogous instances, the church is seen as one body). Eph. 5:31–32

IX.     Other reasons for monogamy in marriage:

         1.      All populations produce approximately 50% males and 50% females. Even nature (which is the design of God) devised the human race to pair off.

         2.      In a polygamous marriage, the wife is seen primarily as a sexual object, a breeder and the one to handle the children (as the husband will likely not have the time).

         3.      According to ISBE, Polygamous nations have never been industrial inventors, have contributed little to science. They have usually ruined the fertility of the lands they have occupied. They have been heavily weighted with the lethargy of a system that appeals to nothing but the most primitive instincts and vices of man. I can’t think of any polygamous nations off the top of my head. Perhaps there are scattered tribes or groups where this is the case? They add: Rome conquered the world while she was monogamous, and lost control of it when she dropped to the moral level of the sex corruption of the peoples that she had conquered. ISBE then notes two exceptions in civilization: There may seem to be two exceptions - the establishment of the Mogul empire in India and the subjugation of Western Asia and Eastern Europe by the Turk. That in both cases there was great success in war is granted. They were authorized by their religion to exhibit the frenzy of bloodshed and indulge in lust. Indeed, enjoyment of the latter was a bright hope for the life to come. But when they had possession of a country, and massacres and ravishing were over, what then? For what is mankind indebted to them? 

         4.      For most men, the draw of a polygamous marriage is a sexual one. Sex should not be our motivating factor in marriage or to marry. It is obviously a factor, and one to which Paul defers (1Cor. 7:2); but when one places personal sexual gratification at the top of one’s priorities, the end result is not a union of any sort, but a vehicle for personal sexual gratification. We do not indulge sexual lust simply because we have it. Obviously, there are times when it is strictly forbidden: with children, with animals; and, in today’s society, times when it ought to be forbidden: outside of marriage, with a person of the same gender. Paul counsels on sexual relations within a marriage one time—in 1Cor. 7: the woman’s body belongs to the man and the man’s body belongs to the woman. All other marriage counseling which Paul does deals with the souls of the two participants.

There is a television show on HBO now where polygamy is a part of the setup. HBO has some excellent shows, with outstanding writing and direction and acting. My guess originally was that, the difficulties of polygamy will be downplayed, so that they are peripheral and occasional issues at most (if these issues are raised at all). I have since seen a few episodes of Big Love and they clearly use many of the logical problems which would occur in such a marriage.
The photo is from http://www.cbc.ca/arts/images/pics/BigLove1.jpg
We have seen, on the other hand, a rather playful and positive approach to gay couples on television over the past decade or so. They are presented as behaving almost exactly as male-female couples, which is not the case. In the US, we have a particularly bad situation with regards to marriage—50–60% of mates stray (at one time, this percentage was in the single digits). However, in homosexual unions, I think the percentage is closer to 95%; this means, there is no true intimacy, since physical intimacy occurs outside of the relationship with virtually every gay couple.