Eph 1090, 7/7/89

DOCTRINE OF CARRYING YOUR SORROWS

A. 1 Thes 4:13.

1. “But we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no hope.” “Asleep” refers to Christian death with emphasis on resurrection in awakening. “The rest” refers to unbelievers.

2. Most people carry great sorrow in their soul for friends and loved ones who have died. But you should not impose this sorrow on others. To do so is function under the demand syndrome. Nor should you permit sorrow to turn into bitterness.

3. This sorrow should give you tenderness and compassion for those who have lost their loved ones in death. This sorrow should also remind you of the grace of God, who has provided an interim life after death before resurrection.

4. Life must go on. God has a purpose for you being alive after the death of a loved one. This does not mean that you should forget loved ones who have died. But your grief and sorrow should be tempered with the absolute assurance of their perfect happiness in heaven.

a. They are absent from the body and face-to-face with the Lord, 2 Cor 5:8.

b. They are in a place of no more sorrow, no more tears, no more pain, no more death, the old things have passed away, Rev 21:4.

5. Principles.

a. We cannot stop normal living because whom we love have died and gone to heaven.

b. We cannot resent others who seem to be having a good time while we are in a state of sorrow and grief.

c. We cannot demand from our circle of friends that they remain with us in a state of grief or remorse.

6. After an elapse of time, others seem not to care while the one who has lost a loved one is still in grief. Is this fair? Emphatically yes.

a. Inevitability, your comfort in time of sorrow must come from the Lord. You cannot be people dependent any more in the case of a loved one than in any other status, including marriage.

b. From the inventory of Bible doctrine in your soul comes the realization, the application of the Word of God. Your loved ones are in a status of perfect happiness whether they were winners or losers in the execution of the protocol plan of God.

7. In your sorrow, you must release your friends from the obligation to share the deep sorrow you personally carrying and will carry for the rest of your life. You cannot expect to create a pall of gloom around yourself and have all of your friends enter into the periphery of that pall of gloom. That is not the way God ever intended for anyone to face the death of a loved one.

8. In your grief, you must apply pertinent doctrine. Therefore, remember that, as believers in Christ, your departed loved ones are in a state of perfect happiness in heaven.

9. With your sorrow you will carry the fragrance of memories. And with that fragrance you will never resent the happiness of others who go on with their lives. This is what Bible doctrine will do for you, unless you enter into the arrogance of the demand syndrome.

B. Eccl 3:4.

1. “There is a time to weep, and a time to laugh. There is a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” The trouble with many believers is that their timing is off.

2. You are not betraying the trust of loved ones if you continue to live. Even when you heart is broken and you are around others who are laughing and enjoying life, there are three things you must remember.

a. Do not resent them.

b. Do not hate them.

c. Do not impose the heavy burden of your sorrow and grief on them.

3. Your sorrow is a private matter between you and the Lord. Your loneliness belongs to you, and is the tribute to the one you love who is now in the presence of the Lord.

4. Christian virtue does weep with those who weep, and rejoices with those who rejoice. Rom 12:15.

5. But there comes a time when those who weep should be as those who did not weep. 1 Cor 7:30.

6. It is not honoring to the dead in Christ to perpetuate grief into abnormality, to enter into the demand syndrome that everyone around you must join you in your grief. Instead you must come to the point of rejoicing in the fact that your loved ones in heaven are in a state of perfect happiness no matter what their status was as a Christian on earth. Also you must remember that one day you will join them.

7. We bear one another’s burdens through our sympathy, compassion, generosity, thoughtfulness, and tenderness. But we do not impose on others the arrogance of the demand syndrome: that all of our friends should stop living because we carry the heavy burden of grief and sorrow.

C. Communion is the example.

1. Lk 22:19, “Keep on doing this in remembrance of Me.” We celebrate the communion table and remember our Lord, but we do not have abnormal grief.

2. 1 Cor 11:24, “When He had given thanks, He broke it [the bread] and said, `This is My body which is given as a substitute for you. Keep on doing this in memory of Me. This cup is the new testament of My blood. Whenever you drink it, do this for the purpose of remembering My [death].’” We remember Him who died for us.

3. You can remember loved ones without being arrogant. You can remember loved ones and carry the burden of sorrow without entering into the demand syndrome. We all carry sorrow, but we do not wear our sorrow as a badge of legalism.

4. Your loved ones in heaven are enjoying perfect happiness. Do they want you to have anything less on earth?

5. You can remember the death of a loved one with sorrow that is now changed into joy. This is expected of Christians. “We sorrow not as those who have no hope.”

6. There should never be any bitterness with regard to the death of a loved one who is now in heaven. Jesus Christ has made death a victory; God’s victory, which has been given to us. Never are we mandated to have one second of bitterness.

7. We have to carry on in life under logistical grace. Logistical grace mandates that we carry on in life. We are still supported in life that we will carry on.

8. For the mature believer, life goes on with occupation with Christ. Occupation with Christ never has one second of bitterness or regret. In occupation with Christ we sometimes laugh and sometimes cry; sometimes our hearts are filled with sorrow, and sometimes with joy. Occupation with Christ demands that we go on living. Our loved ones in heaven would have it so.

9. This can also be illustrated by the love we have for pets we have had and lost.

10. The death of a loved one makes one tender. We have the fragrance of memories; they have the best of everything face-to-face with the Lord.

11. As our Lord said to Thomas, “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto Myself that where I am, there you may be also.”

12. When you remember that those of your loved ones who have believed in Christ are now in the place of perfect happiness, it tempers your sorrow. You only have that sorrow as long as you live. But none of us ever have the right to take that sorrow and make it a guideline for anyone else. It is our private sorrow, our fragrance of memory; it belongs to us personally.

13. But the tragedy is that, in the loss of a loved one, we seek to superimpose our personality, feelings, and ideas on others. __________________________________________________________________________

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