Spir Dynamics 557-562 1/22/95; Eph 1117-8 8/15/89

DOCTRINE OF SEX

A. The Castle Analogy to Sex

. 1. There are three areas of intimacy in marriage.

a. Physical Intimacy. This is the coalescence of bodies in the sexual relationship of marriage. Sex is the ultimate in human intimacy, the invisible walls which isolate husband and wife from the rest of the world.

b. Compatibility intimacy. This is the coalescence of souls through the formation of the integrity envelope, which establishes true love.

c. Rapport intimacy. This is the coalescence of the spiritual lives of husband and wife, using the four spiritual mechanics to attain the four objectives of the spiritual life.

2. God invented marriage to be a special relationship of unity, intimacy, and privacy between one adult man and one adult woman.

3. Marriage can be illustrated by the concept of the castle.

a. The foundation for the castle is Jesus Christ, who performed the first marriage in history. But since the Lord no longer performs wedding ceremonies in person, He has designed the foundation of the castle to be Bible doctrine, His thinking, 1 Cor 2:16.

(1) The solution to all marital problems is located in the content of Bible doctrine, plus the problem solving devices of the protocol plan.

(2) This means that marital problems are not solved by changing spouses in what is called an “other-directed marriage,” but by changing yourself in what is called a “self-directed marriage.”

(3) This means that marital problems are not solved by counselling, by seeking self-justification, by unloading your problems on others, or any other system involving others in your marriage. The exception is when a spouse needs medical attention or psychiatric help.

b. Just as Bible doctrine circulating in the seven compartments of the stream of consciousness is the foundation in marriage, so personal love inside the integrity envelope is the superstructure of the castle.

(1) The castle walls provide unity, privacy, intimacy, love, affection, virtue, and happiness.

(2) Since the wife is a responder, those invisible walls protect her from any outside encroachment in the form of seduction, distraction, or transference of affection and admiration to someone other than her husband. This does not imply social withdrawal from friends, peers, or society in general, nor does it imply aversion to the conformity to the conventional standards of social behavior.

(3) Marriage is a special relationship, a system of intimacy, privacy, unity, virtue, love, and happiness in which the husband protects his wife as a responder through fulfillment through the first divine law of marriage, Eph 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself as a substitute for her.” Neither the husband or wife should ever go outside and complain about the other spouse. This does not mean being asocial or anti-social, but indicates a divine grace provision for one man and one woman which is different from all other human relationships including relationship with father and mother.

c. Part of the invisible walls of protection is sexuality, which was invented by God to be the monopoly of marriage.

(1) Sex is the invisible castle walls that isolate the husband and wife from all other persons in their periphery. The sexual relationship in marriage is the invisible walls of the castle, which constitute the unity, the privacy, the intimacy, love, affection, virtue, and happiness of divine institution number two—marriage.

(2) Sex portrays the beauty of interdependence in marriage, just as Bible doctrine emphasizes the believer’s total dependence on God and His grace policy.

(3) Sex is a return to Eden, when the coalescence of bodies is accompanied by the coalescence of souls. The coalescence of bodies is a vacation from the first two laws of marriage. The man’s authority over the woman is set aside in sex. The woman’s obedience to the man is set aside in sex. Each spouse has the authority over the other person’s body. Each can initiate in sex and the other can respond. This gives both a vacation back to the garden of Eden.

d. A second part of the invisible walls of protection in marriage is the integrity envelope, which provides the coalescence of souls to accompany the coalescence of bodies, which protects the woman as a responder to one man in marriage. The invisible wall created by sexual intimacy not only establishes an inner dependence between husband and wife but adds a fantastic interaction by which spirituality and sexuality combine to form the most fantastic relationship in life.

e. There are two categories of sex operational in history.

(1) Legitimate sex, which God invented for the invisible walls of marriage.

(2) Illegitimate sex, which is man’s sinful and evil distortion of what God has so graciously provided. The castle of marriage has invisible walls which isolate husband and wife in marriage and cause their relationship to be unique. Illegitimate sex destroys the castle walls of marriage. 1 Cor 7:2, “But because of every kind of unlawful sex, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”

f. Sex outside of marriage is always classified as a sin, Lev 18; 20:10-23; Num 5:12-13; Deut 5:22-23. There are five categories of sexual sins.

(1) Adultery, which is voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone other than his wife.

(2) Fornication, which is voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.

(3) The sexual sins of degeneracy.

(a) Homosexuality, which is voluntary sexual intercourse directed toward a person of one’s own sex.

(b) Bestiality, which is sexual relationship between a human being and an animal.

(a) Rape, which is to force a person to have intercourse.

(b) Incest, which is sexual intercourse between parents and children.

(d) Prostitution, which is the practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money.

(e) Pandering, which is the function of a pimp, a go- between who profits from the vices of others related to illicit sexual intercourse.

(5) The sexual sins related to evil. This includes the phallic cult, demonism and demon cults related to sex.

g. Marriage is built on the principle of Bible doctrine and consummated in sexual relationship between husband and wife.

h. Marriage must have isolation from parents and society in general under the concept of intimacy, privacy, virtue, love, happiness, and unity. This isolation is the invisible walls of the castle which we call sex.

4. Sex portrays the interdependence of the husband and wife in marriage, the unique unity between one man and one woman.

5. Sex in marriage is described under the quote “one flesh” in Gen 2:24 and Eph 5:31. Hence, “one flesh” describes the invisible walls of the castle. Eph 5:31, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and he shall have sex with his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

a. Marriage is a state of independence from all previous relationships in life. This does not isolate husband and wife from their parents; but it does mean that parents have no right to interfere in the lives of their adult children.

b. God ordained the principle of separation from parents in the garden of Eden before parents existed. Marriage came first. Therefore, marriage must be separated from parents and all other forms of society under the concept of unity, privacy, intimacy, virtue, and equality.

c. Gen 2:24 is quoted in Mt 19:5; Mk 10:7; 1 Cor 6:16; Eph 5:31.

6. Sex is the monopoly of marriage. It was invented by God for seven reasons.

a. The interdependence of husband and wife is portrayed by sex.

b. The unity of marriage is portrayed by sex.

c. The equality of marriage is portrayed by sex.

d. The privacy and intimacy of marriage is portrayed by sex.

e. The virtue of marriage - thoughtfulness, tenderness, self- control, virtue love of the husband in performing the sexual act - is portrayed by sex.

f. The recreation of marriage occurs by sex.

g. The procreation of the human race.

B. Sex is both unity and equality in marriage.

1. The husband is the authority in marriage and has the responsibility of exercising his responsibility in virtue love and in spiritual self- esteem. The function of the wife is to respond first with respect and then with obedience. The wife is never commanded to love the husband, but the husband to love the wife with virtue love developed by Bible doctrine.

2. In the sexual relationship, the authority of the husband is set aside. 1 Cor 7:3-4, “Let the husband fulfill his marital responsibilities to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

a. Sexuality in marriage is a vacation from the first two laws of marriage—from the husband’s authority and from the wife’s obedience. Therefore, sex becomes a vacation, a recreation, a change from the usual authority system. Each has something the other needs for completion.

b. This means that sex is that part of marriage where the authority of the husband is set aside and equality of interaction between husband and wife takes over. Sex is that part of marriage where the authority of the husband and the obedience of the wife does not function.

c. In the sexual relationship of marriage, there is no authority. Instead there is the flexibility of response and counter response. Either partner can initiate in sex in marriage. It begins in foreplay, and continues in the sexual act.

d. The husband has authority over the wife in marriage, except when it comes to the matter of sex. In the function of sex in marriage, there are two authorities and two responders. The wife has authority over the husband’s body and the husband has authority over the wife’s body. Where two authorities coalesce in sex, there is equal authority, which is no authority.

3. In sex, either the husband or wife can initiate. Both can initiate, or either one can initiate. Whatever is agreeable in the sexual relationship must be acceptable to both parties in the relationship.

4. 1 Cor 11:11, “Because of the Lord, neither is the woman anything apart from the man, neither is the man anything apart from the woman.” The wife has just as much right to initiate in sex. This is the coalescence of the bodies and the coalescence of souls. Sex is the place of both unity and equality in marriage.

5. Sex is a part of marriage where the authority of the husband and the obedience of the wife give precedence to personal love inside the integrity envelope. Because there is no authority in sex as such, each having authority over the body of the other, there is a demand in sex for the highest function of virtue.

a. The real secret to a successful sex life is virtue. God invented sex to function magnificently to the satisfaction of all through virtue.

b. It is the virtue of impersonal love, personal love inside the integrity envelope of impersonal love, and spiritual self-esteem that makes sex such a fantastic thing.

6. In sex, virtue love demands that the husband and the wife take a vacation to the garden of Eden behind those invisible walls of their castle. This means that personal love inside the integrity envelope produces a special virtue of love, tenderness, thoughtfulness, passion, coalescence of their souls and bodies in their return to Eden.

a. The husband must be very thoughtful. He must demonstrate tenderness, patience, and above all self-control. Self-gratification has no virtue in sex. Virtue demands that the husband have self-control, because God invented a different structure for sex in the man and woman.

b. Virtue demands that the husband make sure that the wife is satisfied in her responses in sex. Failure to obey the mandate to love his wife as Christ loved the Church means failure in authority over his own body in sex. That means that he will leave his wife in a state of frustration. Her frustration moves to the soul in antagonism. The man must use his virtue authority to keep his body under control for as long as is necessary in the satisfaction of the woman.

7. The husband does not use his authority to demand sex; for sex is not the function of male tyranny, nor the modus operandi of the three arrogance skills, nor sexual lust, nor self-gratification.

a. Every husband must realize that sex in marriage is not the demand syndrome. The demand syndrome is the husband using his authority to force the wife into bed. A smart and virtuous husband will find ways to make his wife initiate and lead him to the bed.

b. Sex is not designed by God to be a demand from the tyranny of the authority of the husband, ignoring his responsibility and emphasizing his lust. Lust is often the abuse of sex.

c. Sex is not putting lust into a slot machine and getting self- gratification.

d. The response of the wife in sex combines on the one hand initiation and abandonment on the other hand. She has the right to go from initiation to abandonment. The husband’s authority exercised over the wife is now exercised over his own body.

e. Each spouse must find in the other the building material for the construction of those invisible castle walls. Sex builds a wall of unity, intimacy, privacy, and virtue around the marriage.

8. Sex does not attack the authority of the husband, but strengthens it through the husband’s personal love for the wife inside the integrity envelope and through his satisfying the wife in sex.

9. God invented sex for two purposes.

a. The primary purpose is for recreation. Sex is a short vacation; the recharging of two batteries. In recreation, sex gives the husband a vacation from his authority function, and the wife a vacation from her subordinate function.

b. The secondary purpose is for procreation—perpetuation of the human race through sexual intercourse. Children do not hold a marriage together, recreation inside the integrity envelope and coalescence of souls does.

c. In recreation, sex gives the husband a vacation from his authority function over the wife and the wife has a vacation from her subordinate function to the husband. This is the only way for true sexual comparability.

10. Sex is designed to fulfill two principles in marriage: recreation and procreation. But God did not design sex for the creation of life. Sex does not create human life; it produces biological life and the old sin nature. Life comes from God, not from man.

11. Just as self-determination, property and life are expressions of human freedom, so sex is the expression of freedom in marriage. Authority is set aside, and the relationship becomes one of response and counter response under virtue and thoughtfulness.

12. Sex in marriage emphasizes the doctrinal principle that each spouse has a responsibility to the other. And this responsibility includes the purpose of sex as an expression of both unity and virtue in marriage.

13. God designed sex to be an expression of both virtue and unity. The expression of virtue in the successful function of sex is twofold.

a. The husband’s virtue love combines with his spiritual self- esteem resulting in satisfying his wife in the sexual act.

b. The wife’s respect and growing virtue love results in satisfying the husband.

14. Hence, behind the invisible castle walls of sex in marriage there is something far greater and far more lasting—the expression of virtue in that relationship.

15. Through doctrinal inculcation and subsequent doctrinal conceptualism, sex portrays the beauty of interdependence in marriage. Sex is an expression of that interdependence; and therefore, only gets better as husband and wife advance from the attraction stage of their relationship to the compatibility and rapport stages.

C. The Precedence of Sex In Marriage.

1. Sexual intercourse in marriage unites the bodies of the husband and the wife, but only personal love inside the integrity envelope can unite their souls in true love. There is no true love in marriage unless their is coalescence of soul.

2. The coalescence of souls brings true meaning to “one flesh” (Gen 2:24) in the conjugal relationship of the husband and wife in marriage.

3. The first marriage in history occurred immediately after the creation of the woman. Therefore, the first occurrence and sexual intercourse occurred in marriage.

4. Sex is the monopoly of marriage. It is designed by God for the expression of unity, virtue, privacy, intimacy, and personal care for the other spouse in marriage. As such, sex becomes an invisible wall of intimacy and protection. You can never have sex outside of marriage without adverse consequences related to the law of volitional responsibility. Marriages are often destroyed long before they occur. The four spiritual mechanics are the only thing that give you recovery from this kind of situation. There is no other. All the psychological nonsense in the world will not help. Only God can turn cursing into blessing.

5. The divine institution of marriage is as close as any two people (male and female) can ever get to the perfect environment of the garden of Eden. The divine institution of marriage is the only way you can go back to the garden. Because marriage takes its precedence before the fall of man, it is the one place where you can recover some of the fantastic blessing that belonged to Adam and the woman.

6. The first marriage provided precedence for the following.

a. Marriage came before sex.

b. Marriage came before romance. Therefore, premarital sex is not a part of romance, it is a distortion of romance.

c. Personal love inside the integrity envelope came before sin. Personal love outside of the integrity envelope emphasizes the body over the soul, sex over love, sin over virtue.

d. Response from the woman came before the reaction from the woman. She was vulnerable as a responder. The first sin in history was the woman reacting. She reacted to God and reacted to Adam. While sex in marriage is a wall to protect the woman, if she reacts to her husband, that reaction can result in sins of all kinds. When a woman is not responding, she is reacting.

e. The woman has, as a responder, the most important role. Her love is going to come out of respect. Her relationship with a man is going to be to respond to her husband only, the husband that she accepted.

7. The characteristics of the first female reaction.

a. She reacted against the divine prohibition in the garden of Eden.

b. She rejected the authority of the man.

c. She became the first sinner in human history.

d. The woman’s reaction was based on false information through which she was deceived, 1 Tim 2:14.

e. The woman, designed as a responder, became a reactor and reversed the pattern and the direction of her life.

(1) The female reaction pattern occurs all of the time and produces all kinds of mental attitude sins, emotional sins, and verbal sins.

(2) The reaction pattern often involves sex outside of marriage. The woman seeks the approbation of other men. She places emphasis on her body’s demand for sex.

(3) The result is the dead soul of 1 Tim 5:6, “But she who lives in wanton pleasure [being headstrong and willful, vulnerable to flattery, socially unrestrained, competitive, flirtatious, getting involved in sexual lawlessness] is dead while she lives.”

D. The Purpose of Sex in Marriage.

1. Contrary to legalistic asceticism in marriage, God designed sex in original creation as an expression of conjugal love. Sex was designed for recreation in marriage. The precedence is stated in Gen 2:24, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall have sexual intercourse with his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Gen 2:24 is quoted in Eph 5:31, where the Hebrew word DABAQ is translated by the Greek word PROSKALLAO, which means “intimate association in the form of sexual intercourse,” Kittel, Vol 3, p.822f.

2. Principles.

a. Sexuality in marriage is not only designed for the mutual pleasure of the husband and the wife, but is a reminder that the only thing that is coalesced at the point of marriage is the bodies. Coalescence of the bodies in sex means that two people now have one destiny in life. But soul coalescence is even more important. The coalescence of souls comes through Bible doctrine and the integrity envelope, composed of personal love for God the Father and impersonal love for all mankind.

b. Compatibility and rapport in marriage depends on the coalescence of souls. You cannot have soul compatibility until you are under one roof as husband and wife. After marriage is when you get to know your spouse. Hence, the need for both spouses to form the integrity envelope in their respective souls for their mutual benefit in marriage.

c. Precedence was established in the original marriage when it was consummated with sexual intercourse, which united their bodies but not their souls. Adam and the woman went through three stages in their marriage.

(1) The perfection stage. Sex in this stage was recreation, an expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope.

(2) At the fall, the spiritual death stage. Sex in this stage involved both recreation and procreation for perpetuation of the human race.

(3) The regenerate stage came after they were born again. Sex in this stage is an expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope.

d. The formation of the integrity envelope in the soul by the deployment of the tandem problem solving devices results in coalescence of souls which expresses true love in sexual relationship. In marriage, you have to have a personal sense of destiny for two people. This is a far greater challenge. Therefore, the integrity envelope must remain in place for a far greater challenge. You can be single and have the tandem problem solving devices in place and even pass providential preventative suffering, but marriage will challenge your personal sense of destiny. True love in sexual relationship comes from the tandem problem solving devices creating in the soul the integrity envelope.

e. If both spouses have the integrity envelope, then they will move rapidly to coalescence of souls. That is the key to marriage.

3. With personal love inside the integrity envelope, true love is expressed in the sexual relationship between of the husband and the wife.

4. Sex in marriage can be the fulfillment of desire or an expression of true love and rapport. It can be either the fulfillment of lust, of normal desire, of libido, or the expression of true love with soul rapport. It is stupid to not have sex because you do not have soul rapport yet.

5. Sex outside of marriage is sin, evil, and degeneracy. Sex outside of marriage can also be crime. Sex outside of marriage is forbidden, Ex 20:14; Mt 5:27f, 19:18, 1 Cor 6:13,18; 1 Thes 4:3-4; Heb 13:4; Eph 5:3.

6. Precedence always restricts sex to marriage. Sex in marriage is designed by God to be an expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope. That is the goal and objective of God.

7. You cannot build your marriage on sex. You build your marriage on virtue love. The integrity envelope always expresses itself in sex in marriage as well as the coalescence of souls. 8. The honorable unbeliever can have a happy marriage, Eccl 9:9, “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your life of emptiness, which He has given to you under the sun; because that is your portion in life, and in your job at which you are working labored under the sun.”

a. This is an unbeliever who has soul rapport with his wife on the basis of the fact he is an honorable person. He has an empty life because of no relationship with God, but can still have a happy life.

b. The unbeliever can have a wonderful life of happiness because he has honor in his job. He does good in his job for the same reason he has a good marriage—he has honor in both.

c. Unbelievers can have happiness in marriage and in their job because of honor from observance of the laws of divine establishment.

E. Soul Coalescence.

1. One of the most meaningful things in life and one of the most sustaining things in marriage is when there is coalescence of souls and then coalescence of bodies. There are few believers in every generation who fulfill this. There are even fewer who understand and fulfill what God gave the human race in sex. From the beginning of mankind on the earth, sex was an expression of personal love in marriage.

2. The first marriage united a perfect man and a perfect woman in perfect environment. After the original sin of Adam and the woman, sex in marriage was designed as an expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope. Therefore, sex in marriage by precedence is first of all recreation. Recreation in sex is necessary; procreation is not.

a. The first purpose of sex in marriage is an expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope. This was the only purpose prior to the fall of mankind. It is the original purpose of marriage and continues until the end of history.

b. The second purpose of sex in marriage is procreation—the perpetuation of the human race through sexual intercourse. This purpose was not operational until the original sin introduced spiritual death into the human race, Rom 5:12.

c. Gen 1:27-28, “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them and said to them, `Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and dominate it...’”

(1) The word for “man” here is the definite article HA and the noun ADAM. This is technical for the entire human race. Both the man and the woman were created in the image of God.

(2) The word “image” is the Hebrew noun TSELEM. It is correctly translated “image.” It refers to a shadow image. It does not refer to the visible body of the man and the woman, but to the invisible soul and spirit, when mankind was originally created trichotomous (body, soul, and spirit). The word image means three things.

(a) It means self-consciousness of the soul. “I am.”

(b) It means morality; moral reasoning power. “I ought.”

(3) The divine mandate of verse 28 only became operational after the fall of mankind. Precedence in the authority in marriage was established prior to the fall of mankind. From the beginning man was the ruler over the woman in marriage.

(4) God created marriage as an invisible wall composed of a sublime sexual relationship to protect mankind from angelic infiltration and many other things.

3. True sexuality is not just the coalescence of two bodies. The expression of love in sex comes from the coalescence of the souls.

a. Since God created mankind to resolve the prehistoric angelic conflict, marriage has a great deal to do with that. God created mankind to resolve the angelic conflict through a series of systems which are part of human life: the function of your volition, the function of your relationships, the function of marriage, the function of faith in Christ for eternal salvation. God created mankind to resolve the angelic conflict through thinking related to volition and values of the soul, not emotion.

b. In sex in marriage there is a good emotion that is a part of the return of one couple to the garden of Eden for that brief time of the sexual encounter. In that good emotion there is the desire, the love for each partner in marriage to fulfill their responsibilities. A woman never thinks it is demeaning to be obedient to her husband, because she has been to Eden with him. A husband is never a brutal monster in pushing around a woman because he has been to Eden with her. The sexual relationship is coalescence of bodies in such a way that the return from the vacation of sexuality results in the most fantastic desire to fulfill all three of the divine laws of marriage.

c. Thinking is a part of the spiritual life. Thinking is a part of marriage. Marriage is a part of the spiritual life.

(1) Phil 2:5, “Keep on thinking this in you which was in Christ Jesus.”

(2) 1 Cor 2:16, “For who has known the thinking of the Lord; we have the thinking of Christ.”

(3) Eph 4:23, “Become renewed [reinvigorated, refreshed] through the agency of the Holy Spirit by means of your thinking.”

(4) 2 Tim 1:14, “Guard the noble deposit [Bible doctrine] through the agency of the Holy Spirit who keeps on dwelling in you.”

(5) Rom 12:2-3, “Stop being conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your thinking, that you may prove what the will of God is. For I say through the grace that was given to me to everyone who is among you, stop thinking of self in terms of arrogance beyond what you ought to think, but think in terms of sanity as God has assigned to each one of us a standard of thinking from doctrine.”

(6) 1 Cor 10:12, “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”

(7) Prov 23:27, “As a person thinks in his soul that is what he is.”

4. It is coalescence of souls with the coalescence of bodies that takes the man and the woman back to the garden of Eden, the most refreshing place in the world, which brings them back to motivation to fulfill God’s plan, will, and purpose in marriage.

5. Coalescence of souls can only be fulfilled through the thinking of the soul related to the spiritual life, thinking related to the formation of the integrity envelope of the tandem problem solving devices. The three laws of marriage are fulfilled in the soul, not in sex. Therefore, as goes the spiritual life, so goes the marriage.

6. The thinking of the spiritual life has three results, which are the true greatness of the believer.

a. Consistent modus operandi in the function of the four spiritual mechanics of the protocol plan of God.

b. The formation of the integrity envelope from the deployment of the tandem problem solving devices.

c. Fulfillment of the four spiritual objectives of the protocol plan of God.

F. Sex is not a problem solving device for marriage.

1. The foundation of marriage is the Lord Jesus Christ and the thinking of Jesus Christ, 1 Cor 2:16. Sex is part of the thinking of Christ, who invented sex. Sex is a grace gift from gift for marriage only, which makes marriage marvelous and wonderful.

2. The success or failure of marriage depends on the believer’s attitude toward Bible doctrine. In addition to Bible doctrine itself, the believer must understand and utilize the problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God. These are designed to solve the problems of marriage, not sex.

3. You do not solve your marital problems by changing your spouse or changing your sex partner, but you change yourself under the concept of a self-directed marriage. The concept of a self-directed marriage includes two things.

a. The application of doctrine to experience under the principle of wisdom and doctrinal conceptualism.

b. The understanding and use of the problem solving devices of the protocol plan.

4. The sexual partners who have solved their problems through doctrine are the ones who have the best relationship.

5. Most Christians try to solve marital problems through some simple but ineffectual formula, such as counselling, or having someone tell you what to do.

6. In a self-directed marriage, each spouse takes responsibility for his or her own mistakes and seeks to correct them or change them accordingly. In other-directed marriages, each spouse holds the other spouse responsible for both happiness and entertainment in marriage. In the self-directed marriage, one spouse does not try to change the other spouse to conform to his or her image of the ideal mate.

7. Sex is an expression of marital relationship, but never designed by God to be a problem solving device. Sex portrays the beauty of interdependence in marriage, just as Bible doctrine presents the believer’s dependence on God’s grace policy. This means that sex in marriage is the sphere of unity, the “one flesh” principle. 8. Sex in marriage demands, above all, the function of virtue to produce happiness, contentment, and satisfaction in the sexual relationship of husband and wife.

9. Sex often becomes part of the problem of marriage.

a. If the husband becomes involved in the arrogance complex through self-fragmentation, his self-pity, jealousy, bitterness, vindictiveness, arrogance, and hypersensitivity will affect his sexual relationship with his wife.

b. This means that sex becomes a means of self-gratification only, and the expression of lack of virtue and lack of spiritual self- esteem. This means that sex becomes a terrible burden to the wife, who comes to hate the very thing that God has designed for her blessing.

c. As a problem-manufacturing device, both husband and wife can use or abuse sex, resulting in the destruction of those invisible castle walls and what they represent in marriage.

d. If the wife is petty, bitter, vindictive, jealous, or full of unrealistic expectation, or motivated to revenge, she has contributed to the destruction of those invisible walls of marriage.

e. Hatred and self-justification result in the “I-me” syndrome, which also contributes to the destruction of sexual relationship.

f. Marriage is a two-way responsibility. It is not a one-way street, where the husband initiates everything and must comply with his wife’s unrealistic expectations. The wife who has not initiated has not been satisfied in sex.

g. The tragedy of marriage begins when couples are more interested in arrogant, self-centered thinking, which says, “What can I get out of marriage?” rather than the doctrinal viewpoint, “What can I bring into this marriage?”

10. Marriage is not only the merging of bodies, but the merging of souls, and even of sin natures and personality differences.

a. Hence, the conflicts and problems of marriage often overflow into the sexual relationship. Therefore, the problems can only be solved by going back to the foundation, which is Bible doctrine.

b. As problems in marriage are resolved, so also the sexual relationship in marriage is resolved.

c. Bible doctrine is the foundation of marriage. And the success of marriage depends on your inventory of doctrinal principles.

d. Just as Bible doctrine is the foundation for Christian marriage, so sex in marriage is the superstructure which isolate one man and one woman from their contemporaries in the divine institution of marriage.

11. Principles of application.

a. Application without truth is false. Example: premarital sex.

b. Application without fact is fiction. Example: all of the distortions related to sex - kinky sex.

c. Application from emotion is irrationality.

People get emotional about sex and become irrational about it.

d. Application without principle is distortion, foolish and silly thinking. e. Application without doctrine is distorted learning.

f. Application without virtue is distorted living.

12. You cannot solve the problems of marriage through the mind, the thinking, or the volition of another person. Therefore, counselling is not the solution to marital problems. Certain cases may require the assistance of professional counselling.

a. Medical help where sexual incompetency is related to a physiological problem. This requires the help of a medical doctor, not a marriage counsellor.

b. Medical help where there is a suspected mental illness in a spouse. Psychiatry is required here.

c. Professional counselling in which you are encouraged to make your own decisions on the basis of doctrinal principles.

13. There is no substitute for solving your own marital problems from the privacy of your priesthood and through your own doctrinal inventory in the soul. In counselling situations, the believer is often depending upon the thinking, judgement, volition, or the modus operandi of someone else. And something that will work for someone else may not work for you. Other Christians cannot solve your problems.

a. The same privacy by which you learned Bible doctrine should be used in the application of that doctrine in resolving your problems. Change yourself, but do not try to change your spouse.

b. Marriage is more than finding the right person; it is being the right person.

c. Being the right person requires Bible doctrine in the soul producing virtue. Virtue is necessary for successful and good sex. Sex operates on virtue.

14. Going to someone else for solutions to your problems is nothing more than borrowing their solutions. Borrowed solutions are temporary at best. And since they are based on another person’s viewpoint rather than your own viewpoint, they are detrimental and often very destructive.

15. Problems of marriage must be solved in the privacy of your own priesthood. Outside counselling often becomes an intrusion on the privacy of your marriage. Counselling can only provide temporary solutions at best; permanent solutions come from doctrine resident in your own soul. Counsellor dependence must never replace doctrinal dependence and grace orientation inside your own soul.

G. Summary of General Principles of Sex.

1. From the standpoint of time in marriage, sex is probably less than one percent. But from the standpoint of quality, motivation, satisfaction, virtue, honor, integrity, its significance encompasses the entire marital relationship.

2. Sex is the boundary for marriage, the invisible walls of the castle, the line of demarcation which separates a husband and wife from the rest of the world.

3. This does not imply that marriage is asocial or antisocial, but emphasizes the importance of marriage as the basic unit on which society, culture and nationalism depends.

4. God designed sex for marriage only.

5. Sex was designed for husband and wife to complete each other under the principle of interdependence, and establish those invisible castle walls around that relationship.

6. Sex is a private matter between a husband and a wife. Do not run around and tell your sex problems to everyone who will listen. It only creates gossip.

7. In marriage, young adults make a permanent change of station from family unity to marital unity, from family privacy and intimacy to marital privacy and intimacy.

8. This new unity is formed by leaving father and mother and having sex in marriage. God invented sex as a line of demarcation.

H. The Problem And Danger of Premarital Sex.

1. Premarital sex destroys the virtue and values on which compatibility and rapport in marriage are founded. Generally, both men and women enter into premarital sex to satisfy their libido. Hence, the involvement of the third arrogance skill, which is self-absorption.

2. Premarital sex generally occurs in the attraction stage of romance. Premarital sex in the attraction stage of romance blocks off and closes the door for entering compatibility and rapport. Therefore, it makes a direct attack on two postulates in marriage.

a. The first postulate—marriage is more than finding the right person; marriage is being the right person. Premarital sex eliminates being the right person, so that the finding of the right person is frustrated with hang-ups and regrets.

b. A happy marriage is like a long conversation that always seems too short. This describes both compatibility and rapport in marriage.

3. Premarital sex often creates a liability to the principle that a person is no better in marriage than they are as a person, and therefore, the possibility and probability of not attaining compatibility and soul rapport in marriage.

4. Premarital sex becomes the enemy of marriage, and can destroy a marriage long before the marriage occurs. Marriages are often destroyed by the pattern of sexuality in adolescence and young adulthood. Premarital sexual experience has an adverse effect on postmarital sex. Periods of unrestrained licentiousness are often followed by periods of unrestrained guilt and depression. Promiscuity before marriage creates handicaps for marriage. The couple involved in fornication are in the process of destroying the very Biblical standards of virtue required for a successful marriage.

5. One of the dangers of premarital sex is the development of an arrogant problem of self-gratification, in which a single person desires sexual sensation rather than a sex partner in marriage. Your values are sensations that are desireable. Therefore, instead of an integrity envelope there are serious unresolved problems of wide emotional swings and problem manufacturing devices—the function of the arrogance skills.

6. Premarital sex in adolescence is also generally not satisfying, not up to expectations, not fulfilling. Therefore, frustration sets in the relationship.

7. Principles of Application.

a. Application without truth is false.

b. Application without fact is fiction.

c. Application from emotion is irrationality.

d. Application without principle is life without direction.

e. Application without doctrine is distorted learning.

f. Application without virtue is distorted living.

8. Premarital sex not only abandons the virtue necessary for compatibility and rapport, but causes the fornicators to encapsulate their romance or lust in deceit. Hence, the basis for their romantic love or the fulfillment of their lust becomes the sins of arrogance and the sins of emotion.

9. The strength of romantic love is virtue. For the unbeliever this virtue is attained through the observance of the laws of divine establishment, Eccl 9:9. This virtue is attained in two ways by the believer.

a. Doctrinal conceptualism or consistent postsalvation epistemological rehabilitation, which means perception, metabolization and application of Bible doctrine to your own experience.

b. Understanding and using the problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God.

10. Loss of standards through premarital sex creates two categories of problems which destroy romance and marriage.

a. The problems of the arrogance complex. This is tantamount to self-fragmentation, the first stage of Christian degeneracy.

b. The problems of emotional control of love or romance. This is tantamount to irrationality in the relationship, because there is no doctrinal content, no problem solving devices, no common sense, and no discernment.

11. Reaction from failure in romance due to premarital sex results in many other problems. a. Entering a life of promiscuity with many sex partners results in Christian immoral degeneracy.

b. The reaction of seeking comparable stimulation in chemical dependence when your sex is cut off.

c. The reaction of depression, self-pity, and suicide.

d. The reaction of revenge through the function of polarized legalism and resultant Christian moral degeneracy.

12. Biblical warning against premarital sex. 1 Cor 6:18; 1 Thes 4:3-4; Heb 13:4.

13. There are several handicaps that occur from premarital sex.

a. Self-gratification. Both men and women enter into premarital sex to satisfy their own libido. There is no genuine love or sense of responsibility for their sex partner, especially with the men. When a man seduces a woman for his self-gratification, the woman is left frustrated. The man who does this prior to marriage does not change after marriage. Therefore, the wife enters into sexual frustration.

b. The handicap to achieving premarital rapport.

(1) Premarital sex handicaps you from being the right person. Premarital sex eliminates being the right person, so that finding the right person is frustrated with regrets.

(2) Premarital sex generally eliminates the possibility of ever attaining compatibility or rapport in marriage.

14. Conclusion.

a. Premarital sexual experience has an adverse effect on post- marital sex.

b. Premarital sexual experience often hinders any chance of a successful marriage, because it eliminates both compatibility and the rapport stages of marriage.

c. Premarital sexual experience often results in Christian immoral degeneracy which eliminates the virtue prerequisite for a successful marriage. The most important thing about sex is virtue.

d. Promiscuity destroys discernment. The attraction stage of romance is the most vulnerable to premarital sex. In the attraction stage of romance, premarital sex destroys the spiritual life, eliminates the understanding and use of the problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God, and keeps a lot of believers from ever executing the protocol plan.

(1) Promiscuity leads to emotional revolt of the soul, which converts a genuine personal love into pseudo love. Emotional revolt of the soul does not have capacity for true love. It removes personal love from the integrity envelope of impersonal love.

(2) Premarital sexual experience destroys marriage long before it occurs. The irrationality of emotional revolt of the soul takes over the life and erodes the virtue standards on which true love is based.

(3) Recovery not only includes rebound, but demands inculcation of doctrine, the function of the problem solving devices after you have learned how they work.

e. For the believer, premarital sex substitutes the emotional complex of sins: guilt, fear, worry, hatred, anger, anxiety, and occasionally murder.

15. Why God forbids premarital sex.

a. Periods of unrestrained licentiousness are always followed by periods of unrestrained guilt and depression.

b. Licentiousness often results in suicide.

c. You are responsible for your own decisions in life. The woman uses her own free will to respond to the man’s sexual advances.

d. The road to disaster is always paved with sex, drugs, and excessive alcohol.

e. No one is ever the same after salvation through faith in Christ. Some believers become winners and some become losers and are far worse than they were as unbelievers.

f. A male with virtue will never take a female past her own volition in the sphere of intimacy.

g. The man who does not respect your volition, ladies, is the wrong man for you.

16. The increase of Christian degeneracy means the decrease of both spirituality and the use of the problem solving devices in romance and marriage. Premarital sex destroys the possibility of sexual compatibility and rapport in marriage.

17. Premarital sex destroys arousal patterns and mutually satisfactory fulfillment. There is a physiological factor in sexual arousal, as noted in the phrase “one flesh” in Gen 2:24 and Eph 5:31.

a. Fornication destroys the rhythm and the pattern.

b. Libido is the function of biological sex, but maximum effectiveness of sex in marriage depends on other factors, such as: status quo of the soul, function of the spiritual life, and attainment of contentment and spiritual growth.

c. Major handicaps occur through premarital sexual activity which numb normal sexual responses and normal sexual rhythms.

d. 1 Cor 6:18 implies that violation of premarital chastity decreases the source of sexual energy in marriage. This is why sex becomes dull for married people.

18. Generally, premarital sexual experience solidifies the mind-set a person will have toward sex for the rest of his life. Apart from the overruling grace of God, the effects of premarital sexual experience on the husband and wife are detrimental, and often disastrous.

19. Chronic participation in premarital sexual activity does effect marital adjustment.

20. The more premarital sex partners one has, the more difficult it is to adjust to one partner in marriage.

a. Each premarital sexual relationship tends to be conditioned to the response pattern of the other person involved. Many premarital sexual encounters produces a variety of responses and rhythms.

b. Hence, the sexual acts result in a specific response pattern for each person. A new premarital sex encounter does not extinguish the previous pattern of the previous sexual relationship.

c. Therefore, promiscuity eventuates in sexual conditioning to a composite of one’s sexual affairs. Unrestrained sexual activity does not lead to freedom, but to bondage.

d. Premarital control of sexuality is liberation; for it results in elimination of the handicaps of fornication. Undisciplined, uncontrolled premarital sexuality hinders effective sexual relationship in marriage. Premarital chastity produces self-control, which makes a husband an effective lover of his wife.

I. Marriage is the status of maximum sexual satisfaction.

1. God invented sex for marriage only, which makes marriage a unique institution in the human race. God invented marriage for one man and one woman, which means that homosexual or lesbian “marriages” are not legitimate in the eyes of God.

2. God provided sex as the ultimate expression of marriage and virtue. Sexual relationship can be an expression of love, but this is rarely the case in marriage, because there is so little virtue in marriage on the part of the husband.

3. The classroom for learning sex is marriage.

4. Just as the believer must learn Bible doctrine to advance in the protocol plan, so good sexual response in marriage is a continual learning process. Good sexual response in marriage includes the following sexual response cycle.

a. There is volition, which includes everything from fantasy about sexual activity and the desire that accompanies volition.

b. There is excitement, which is the subjective sense of sexual pleasure and accompanying physiological change.

c. There is orgasm, which is sexual pleasure which releases the sexual tension and the rhythmic contraction of muscles and pelvic reproductive organs in the wife.

d. There is resolution, which is general relaxation, general well-being, and muscular relaxation.

5. Premarital sex destroys the sexual response cycle. Premarital sexual activity often hinders interpersonal marital relationship.

6. Sexual compatibility is related to the mutual response of both husband and wife in the fulfillment of these four categories of the sexual cycle. This results in mutual pleasure derived from the husband’s virtue love, spiritual self-esteem, and thoughtfulness in satisfying his wife first.

7. Mutual orgastic experience is often a matter of the husband’s ability to learn, to understand, to be totally cognizant of his wife’s response system, and to control his own responses to correspond to her’s .It is impossible for an alcoholic husband or wife to find mutual satisfaction in sex.

8. Optimum sexual satisfaction in marriage is related to virtue. And the husband leads the way with spiritual self-esteem and virtue love. Premarital virtue and chastity is the status most favorable for success in the marital relationship.

9. The woman develops true love for her husband by satisfaction in the sexual relationship of marriage. Virtue in sex brings out everything that makes the husband great - his thoughtfulness, tenderness, and control. Under those conditions, sex can only be greater and greater as the marriage progresses.

10. There is a correlation between premarital virginity and post- marital happiness.

11. Sexual responsiveness is related to the quality of the marriage. The quality of the marriage is based on the following principles.

a. Understanding and using the problem solving devices.

b. Perception, metabolization, application of doctrine; therefore, the development of doctrinal conceptualism.

c. Entrance into marriage in status quo of premarital chastity.

d. Recovery from premarital sexual activity and loss of rhythms through the attainment of spiritual adulthood.

12. Sexual responsiveness in marriage increases or decreases as the quality of the marriage increases or decreases. Marriage quality and responsiveness influence each other. Therefore, they are mutually interdependent.

13. What is brought into the marriage by each partner determines the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual quality of the marriage. Anything that happens before salvation is blotted out by salvation.

14. A husband and wife who reach marriage in virginity and virtue create a more enduring happiness through their understanding and utilization of the problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God. This overflows into their sex life, and they have great satisfaction in learning to respond fully and completely to each other.

R. B. Thieme, Jr., Bible Ministries 5139 West Alabama, Houston, Texas 77056 (713) 621-3740

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