Right Man/Right Woman

R.B. Thieme 1973

THE TRAGIC MISTAKE

Other than believing in Jesus Christ, which is the greatest decision in life, the next most important decision any member of the human race can make is that of choosing the right person as a lifetime partner. The right man must find the right woman; the right woman must find the right man. Anything else is — as close as you will come to that phrase (which is a misnomer) — “hell on earth.” Hell is in hell, and it’s future; but if anyone wanted to describe “hell on earth” in one sentence marriage to the wrong woman or to the wrong man would be it! One of the greatest causes of suffering in life comes from marrying the wrong person.

The past generation seems to be made up of a preponderance of people who made a mistake in their marriage. Most of them have enough morality or fortitude to stick it out — for the sake of the children or society, or their jobs. Sadly enough, since young people today have even less moral fiber than the past generation, they are going to make the same mistake because of the widespread use of drugs and alcohol, the rise of the neogypsy movement, the loose attitude toward sex, and the phasing out of Bible doctrine.

The reasons for marrying the wrong person are numerous: a person is on a wave of libido; he is living in panic palace; he is lonely; his friends are all getting married and he is left behind; he uses as an excuse some difficult or bitter situation at home. You young people who have yet to make the decision for marriage would do well to take note of these tragedies and avoid them at all costs. The only hope of this present generation, as in any generation, is Bible doctrine.

Through a knowledge of doctrine, you will acquire the maturity to know that loneliness or a rapport which occurs in friendship is never enough reason for marriage. The anguish of soul and the misery which can come from making this fatal mistake can never be calculated; and were it not for Bible doctrine, those who make this mistake would not survive. Many of you are suffering terribly right

now because you have dreams, but you do not have the reality of those dreams! This is going to be a source of soul anguish to you until you straighten out.

Now there is much adverse reaction to the doctrine we are about to discuss. One reason that so many of you have a difficult time adjusting to what is so obviously God’s will and God’s Word, is that for years you have been guilty of every type of malpractice. While you would never step out of line overtly, in your mind many of you people who have been married for years have sublimated by having a mental romance with someone else — someone in your church or in an organization or social circle where you travel constantly. The fact that you have a mind that wanders, the fact that many of you have a physical relationship with your opposite number, and yet he or she is never in your mind, undoubtedly explains your reaction to this doctrine!

I want you to ask yourself some important questions:  is the romantic image you have set up in your mind more important than Bible doctrine? Is anything more important than Bible doctrine? If you are honest, you will have to say that it is not!

You young people must not allow the adverse reaction of the older generation to affect in anyway your understanding of the doctrine of right man — right woman, for there is for each of you a right man or a right woman, and that right man or right woman is worth waiting for. Do not be snowed by the comments you might hear from certain adults who are merely grown-up children, such as, “Well, there are a number of women with whom I could be happy.” (or vice versa). As we examine the Scripture on the subject, you will discover that the doctrine of right man — right woman is illustrated by the Lord and the Church, or the Lord and Judah. Just as there is one Lord for the believer, so there is one man for one woman. Few will deny the first half of this analogy; many deny the second. But the Scripture is equally clear on both. Therefore, it becomes important to study the passages which establish the authenticity of this doctrine.

THE PATTERN ESTABLISHED AT CREATION

We find that many women resent their role in the world. Today we even have the

Women’s Liberation Movement. But the woman’s punishment in the Garden determined her role in life. God is absolute justice and cannot be unfair; for this reason, the woman’s place is fair and right because it is God’s plan for her. In order to understand this, we must begin with the creation in Genesis 2:21-25, where the pattern of the right man — right woman was established.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man (verses 21-23)

The time between the creation of man and man’s original sin is unknown; but it was apparently long enough for it to become a test. How time was measured in innocence’s is also unknown. The fact that there was day and night from Genesis, Chapter 1, in the restoration of the earth, would indicate that there was a 24- hour day. Apart from that, we have no measurement of time except that it is assumed that a long time elapsed before the man and the woman got around to sinning. 

Everything that occurred during the time that man and woman lived in innocence in the Garden was, of-course, happiness and pleasure.   One of the characteristics of innocence was perfect environment. Sex and the relationship between the man and the woman was a part of perfect environment. However, when man acquired a sin nature and was no longer under any condition of perfect environment, a question arises immediately:  is it possible to perpetuate something from the age of innocence and still have all of the glory and the blessing for which the relationship of the right man and the right woman was designed? The answer is YES!

When God designed right man — right woman before man sinned, and when God perpetuated this on the other side of sin, He made provision for this relationship to be of utmost happiness. In fact, we are actually going to study a verse a little later in which it says in effect that although unbelievers may have a miserable life, they will derive from the marriage relationship fantastic happiness, even in the midst of all other sorrows and difficulties of life, if they find their right man or right woman. Such is the case in the relationship between the man and the woman described in Genesis 2. 

In verse 20, we find that Adam is busy giving names “to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field....” Adam was a genius:  he was able to categorize all of creation without having anyone or anything after which to name all of these categories. Now, inevitably, there comes a time when the “five o’clock whistle blows,” and man is through with his work. No matter how tired he is, he wants to play or relax. Apart from something designed for man to express all that is in his soul and all that is in his body, it is also inevitable that he is going to be lonely.   As Adam went through the animal kingdom naming the animals, it became obvious that he could not be on a basis of intimacy with the animal creation..… “....but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.” Adam was actually designed so that BY HIMSELF he could never be fulfilled as a member of the human race. The word “help” in the Hebrew means more than just help. It denotes implementation and fulfillment. “Meet” means counterpart or complementary part:  the part that fits; him. While man in his original creation had a soul, a spirit and a body, man is not an island unto himself. He needed a counterpart. There had to be something that fitted him completely — soulishly, physically, and in every way that two members of the human race go together.

God had no intention of allowing Adam’s loneliness to continue; and just as God provided for Adam, so God has provided for every member of the human race in on of two ways: He provides either a right man or right woman; or He provides a particular spiritual gift for a few believers in order to function without a counterpart. This was the case of Paul. He had the spiritual gift of celibacy. This gift is rare and is used within the framework of God’s plan. But the general design for the human race is that for every man God has designed a female counterpart and that one without the other is incomplete.

So the Lord (Jehovah Elohim — Jesus Christ) caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. While he slept, God took out one of his ribs, and from this rib would come a lot of man’s happiness as well as a lot of man’s troubles. I often think that that the Lord may have chuckled at this point. However, in perfect environment, without a sin nature and with benefit of constant visitation from God, it was impossible to have any marital problems.

From the rib which He had taken from man, the Lord made a woman. The Hebrew word for “made” here is “banah,” rather than any of the usual words for “create.” “Bara,” which means “to make something out of nothing,” and “asah,” which means to make something out of something,” both emphasize the creation of the soul, with reference to essence and personality. A third word, “jatsar,” means “to fashion” or “to mold,” but is used for the creation of the male body only. When it came to making woman — and I love this — the word used means “to build.” God BUILT a woman. “Banah” emphasizes the body rather than the soul.

The soul is the “image of God.” God’s essence is invisible and the soul is invisible. The real person is not seen, though the essence of the soul becomes manifest. It has self-consciousness, mentality, volition, emotion, conscience, and, after the fall, an old sin nature. The woman had a soul, but her body is emphasized in this statement. I don’t think you could ever improve on either the phraseology or the concept. She had to be perfect because God built her. Anything God makes is perfect. Her beauty must have been beyond anything we can imagine.

Adam didn’t know what he needed, but God knew — and this is very important — He brought the woman to the man. He did not hide her somewhere and tell Adam to find her; God brought her to him. Every time the right man and the right woman get together, whether believer or unbeliever — remember that this is for the human race — there is a sense in which God brings it about; He brings the woman to the man. Now, this doesn’t mean that you sit in the park and wait until what appears to be an angel leads a beautiful doll right to your park bench. That is misapplication of the faith-rest technique!

We also have the panic-button crowd who think the first Christian they meet is their opposite number. Then we have the cynical crowd who don’t believe the doctrine of the right man — right woman. And there’s the philandering crowd — the haremsville bunch who say, “One woman — me? Huh!” In between, there are those who sit tight and exercise faith-rest. 

There is a principle involved in God’s bringing the woman to the man:  God always provides in grace. When it cam to the cross, God provided salvation through Jesus Christ. We do not deserve it; we cannot earn it.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God; Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)

As believers, we are under the “much more” grace of God:

“He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” (Rom. 8:32)

When God brought the woman to the man, He did not bring a creature with two heads, called a female; He didn’t bring two creatures — two women; nor did He bring half a creature. He brought one for one! Adam responded to this gift. He took one look at her and saw immediately that she was different from him, since they were both naked; but he also recognized that she was his counterpart. Adam and learned doctrine personally from the Lord Jesus Christ every day in the Garden, and he applied doctrine immediately.

There is a principle here for us:  when we wait on the Lord, we will have that time of loneliness. But when that time is properly used for taking in Bible doctrine, it is the best possible preparation for appreciating your right woman when the Lord brings her along. Don’t knock loneliness. It has dangers, since we are out of the Garden; but when loneliness is of the Lord and is used to take in doctrine, it is the greatest thing in the world. It is better to be lonely than tied down to the wrong man or the wrong woman!

Before Adam had been put to sleep, he had been naming the animals; and so the first thing he thought to do upon awaking was to give the woman a name. Recognizing her as his counterpart, he said, “This is now bone of my cones (apparently he was clued in about the rib) and flesh of my flesh....” In other words, she had a human body; and although different from Adam’s, it was one of his own species. “She shall be called Woman,”  he concluded. The Hebrew word “Ishah” (pronounced “ee-shah”) is beautiful — much more euphonious than the Greek word for woman, “gune” (pronounced “goonay”)  .Adam explained that he called the woman “Ishah” because she was taken from “Ish” — the man.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Gen. 2:24, 25).

Since neither Adam nor Eve had a father and a mother, why did God bring in the in-law concept here? This passage establishes a precedent: even though in-laws did not exist, they WILL. Knowing that interference from parents would be one of the greatest dangers to marriage, God firmly established the principle of separation, which was to apply from the beginning of time to the end of human history. Before in-laws ever existed, they are told to keep their noses out of their children’s business when the children become adults. If you are twenty or twenty-one, you can’t train them, period! So keep your nose out of their business! When anyone leaves his father and his mother, he becomes responsible for his own decisions. A man who asks a woman to marry him is responsible for that decision. A woman who accepts some “monster” is responsible for her decision. 

In verse 24, God sets forth the divine institution of marriage: “and cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The word “cleave” means “to be joined” — sexual relationship. In other words, Adam and Eve had sex in the Garden — perfect sex — right man — right woman! Under this doctrine, sex is the highest expression of this relationship and one which cannot be duplicated by any other relationship in life. 

It is not to be cheapened or distorted in anyway. Distortions come from the sin nature or from Satan. Distortions will emphasize the body without the soul or the soul without the body. But you cannot divorce one from the other in the true concept which God designed. It is designed to be a perfect relationship, and therefore, certain things are prohibited. For example, adultery is prohibited, as it puts scar tissue on the soul. Any scar tissue on the right bank of the soul has an effect upon the wonderful relationship which God has designed. Other distortions are, of course, homosexuality and Lesbianism. A Feminine soul was never designed to go with a feminine soul, and vice versa. Bestiality is also forbidden.

Where does Satan enter the picture? In the last thirty years there has been an unparalleled movement to break down morality in our country. Satan, through the communist conspiracy and other media, has been very successful in promoting this moral breakdown. Morality, which was designed by God to protect a nation, also protects the relationship of right man — right woman. How well Satan has succeeded in his attempt to pervert God-designed sex is evident everywhere today in such practices as wife-swapping, pornographic activity, sensitivity concepts and polygamy. The entire emphasis of sex has been relegated to the physical only , so that the thing which makes it so marvelous and wonderful — the soul relationship — has been wiped out. 

When frustration becomes intense enough, sublimation and false stimuli are substituted, which include heavy drinking, the use of dope and other things to produce physical stimuli apart from that which God designed.   Since sex was designed for both believers and unbelievers. God has set down certain laws that apply to both in this respect: protection of sex as an expression of the coalescence of the soul and therefore, the forbidding of adultery and perversion which takes sex out of its context.

No nation has survived a maximum number of sex distortions, as illustrated by Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19. The Greeks in the Age of Pericles became decadent and declined because of their homosexuality and resultant drinking. Both the Athenian and Spartan civilizations declined for the same reason. When the Romans came in contact with the Greeks, who were living in Southern Italy, and learned to drink wine and took on the perversions of the Greeks, there was a gradual breakdown of their own standards, and the destruction of the Empire became inevitable.

Sex was designed — and this may shock some of you — for the right man and right woman, and no one else! I have in my possession a paper which is being written for a Doctor’s Degree in psychology in which the author demonstrates from psychology that there is such a thing as a right man for the right woman. How does he prove it? From the angle of sex. You see, the concept of right man — right woman belongs to the unbeliever as well as to the believer. The key is in sex. Anything that existed in the Garden had to be wonderful.  It still exists, and it is still wonderful; however, today we have an old sin nature, which often drastically fouls up the situation.

God explained to the first right man — right woman: “cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The right man and right woman are to become one, and they are only one when they are united sexually. And I want you to understand something else: they were both naked — the man and his woman, AND they were not ashamed. In this respect, there are two types of people —  those who might be classed as exhibitionists who are not ashamed of their body at all and don’t mind letting everyone know just how much pulchritude is tied up in one package; and the shy , “I-want-my-privacy” type. Of course, when the exhibitionist gets a few scars or wrinkles, all that changes. But the right man and the right woman can be naked together, no matter which category they come under and —get this— not be ashamed.

Now remember, the principle of right man — right woman occurred in innocence, before sin and before children. It was designed for RECREATION and happiness. Procreation is secondary. The idea that sex is only for the purpose of having children is a distortion promoted by religion — not Christianity. Religion always has a certain amount of asceticism. Distortions of sex come just as much from asceticism as from lasciviousness or promiscuity. Distortions of asceticism lead to a guilt reaction in the soul. Any such mental attitude sin destroys the beauty of sex and the pleasure for which God designed it.

Now we move over into the New Testament where Genesis 2:24 is restated, and we are introduced to a new concept which had not been revealed in the Old Testament.

ANALOGY TO CHURCH TRUTH

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Eph. 5:31-33)

vs.31 is a quote from the “precedent” passage in Genesis. As we have seen, this is love expressed in sex. The original marriage ceremony was sex; and that was practiced throughout human history for several thousand years. Today we have refined it a little. Now this passage further reveals that the institutions of marriage illustrates a tremendous spiritual truth. “This is a great mystery.” A “mystery” in the Bible is not something mysterious; it is doctrine not known in the Old Testament, but now revealed, and it is always a revelation of some facet of Church truth. So the mystery here is not sex, but the oneness of Christ and the Church.

At the moment of salvation, we are placed by the Holy Spirit into union with Christ. This is the baptism of the Spirit and is, as it were, the marriage of the believer to Christ. We are designed to be in Him and to perfect in Him. As the husband gives of himself and his substance to his wife, so Christ gives us His life (eternal life), His priesthood, His heirship, His kingdom, etc. For every believer there is only one Savior, one Lord, one way of salvation; and this is analogous to one man for one woman.

Now, as the woman is the glory of the man (1 Cor. 7:11), so the believer’s union with Christ is manifested in the reflected glory of God. This glory comes from what I like to call the “edification complex” of the soul. Every person has a soul, which, though invisible, is the real person. But for the believer in Jesus Christ, there is an edification complex for each soul, just as there is a right man for a right woman. The edification complex is the reflected glory of God in the believer’s soul, and is based upon receiving Bible doctrine, which is the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16). The word “edification” in the Greek is the act of building or erecting a structure. The Christian Life is a continual building or growing process toward maturity.

“Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect (mature) man, unto the measure (standard) of the fullness of Christ.” (Eph. 4:13)

A mature believer will have five “floors” in the edification complex: grace orientation (1 Cor. 4:17; 15:10); mastery of the details of life (Heb. 13:5); a relaxed mental attitude, free from mental attitude sins (Eph. 4:2); capacity to love in three categories — (1) God (2) opposite sex (3) friends (Eph. 3:17; 5:25-33; John 15:13); and inner happiness (John 17:13). The foundation for building an edification complex in the soul is epignosis (full knowledge of doctrine stored in the human spirit (Col. 2:7)

How do you have full knowledge of doctrine in the human spirit? At the moment of salvation, the believer is given a “grace apparatus for perception” composed basically of the indwelling Holy Spirit and the activated human spirit. The human spirit enables the believer to fully understand and use doctrine. (1 Cor 2:9-16). Doctrine is cycled through the human spirit into the right lobe where it is then ready for application.

But how well the believer actually does understand or use doctrine depends on the daily function of the grace apparatus for perception. Bible doctrine must be taken into the mind, where it becomes “gnosis” (knowledge understood only — Eph. 3:19; “epignosis” or full knowledge surpasses “gnosis” — knowledge in the mind). When doctrine is taken in and understood in the mind, you do not agree or disagree at this point. However, if it is believed, it is then transferred automatically by faith to the human spirit where it becomes “epignosis” (knowledge possessed). It must then be cycled back up into the right lobe (norm and standard lobe) for divine norms and more advanced doctrine. This helps in finding your right man or right woman.

When the grace apparatus for perception is functioning daily, the edification complex begins to fill the soul; and just as the edification complex fills the soul, so the right man fulfills the right woman.

“Nevertheless” let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself....” (Eph. 5:33). Literally, this phrase says, “However, each one of you keep on loving his woman according to the standard of one....” The “standard of one” is right man — right woman — one for one! Love here (“agapao” in the Greek) is a mental attitude love which comes from the soul. The man must initiate from the soul, for the design is in the soul as well as in the body. His capacity for this type of love is enhanced by the edification complex. “Agapao” for the believer is developed from two standpoints: the filling of the Spirit (Rom. 5:5) and the edification complex (1 John 2:5).

“As himself” indicates a soul aggression. Unless a person is abnormal, it is impossible for him to be indifferent to himself. In the right man - right woman relationship, the man can only please himself in the full sense of the word by fulfilling the right woman (Eph. 5:28). Since the body of the right woman becomes the body of her right man, her body really belongs to the man. He is the custodian of both her body and her soul: of her body in sex and of her soul in fellowship.   When the right man and the right woman have coalescence of both soul and body, the benefit is mutual.

What about the wife? Is she to love the man? She is not so commanded, for if it is a right man - right woman relationship, that will never be a problem. Through out this passage the husband is commanded to love the woman, but never vice versa. “And the wife see that she reverence her husband.” “Reverence” is the present middle subjunctive of “phobeo,” meaning “to fear”  .Is this saying that when you walk into he house, you below, “Woman!” whereupon she trembles and cowers on the floor? Of course not!

Obviously, “phobeo” has another connotation besides fear, and that is respect admiration or occupation with. The right woman may love and hate the right man at different times; yet she will admire and respect him at all times. Her feelings toward the right man will always be strong. The key is not love or hate — it’s respect! When she thinks she hates him, she still respects him; when she loves him, she respects him. That is the normal response to the right man.

However, your emotions can betray you. Beware of becoming sentimental about a man whom you do not respect. Life is too short; forget him! If you can’t respect a man, ladies, give him a wide berth. If you are a born-again believer and you are cycling doctrine from the human spirit into your right lobe as a frame of reference, part of that frame of reference is what the Bible teaches about right man — right woman, and you will understand that true love is based upon respect.

THE RIGHT MAN IN THE SOUL OF THE WOMAN

No two women have the same type should because the woman’s soul was designed in eternity past for one man to fulfill. The right man fulfills each facet of the soul, beginning with SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. He goes into her soul, and she can’t get rid of him; she can’t shake him She may hate him at times, and she may love him at times; she may respect him, and she may despise — but he’s there! He was designed to be there.

In the MENTALITY and CONSCIENCE of the soul, the right man enters both lobes so that she thinks of him in a thousand different ways. It may be complimentary, happy or sad, love or hate; she may think in terms of admiration; in terms of “Why did he do that to me?” — but she thinks about him! Someone else may come along and enter her mind for a minute; but he goes right on through and out again.   There’s just one right man!

In the VOLITION of the soul, the right woman wants to please and to honor this man. From positive volition, when the right man enters her soul, she says, “Yes, my lord,” and she is never more glorious or glamorous. There is nothing degrading about recognizing one man as her lord. In fact, to the contrary, she becomes the glory of that man. She possesses a glory there that will never occur in any other way.

When the right man enters the EMOTION of the right woman’s soul, no one will ever replace him. The Duke of Marlborough, one of the great leaders in English history, married a wonderful woman with whom he had a marvelous relationship. When he died, many men wanted to marry her, but she told each on the same thing: “There has been one man in my life, and no man in this world will measure up to him. He’s my man.” She refused them all, and lived out her life with her right man still in her soul.

THE PERFECT DESIGN

Even the woman’s body was designed differently from that of the man. Her anatomy is covered with erogenous zones. She was designed to respond to and be fulfilled by her right man and at the same time to fulfill him. There are certain ways in which the anatomy and physiology of one woman is designed to respond to only one man. Although it is first of all soulish, it overflows into the body. Her response to the right man is intensive — it is physical — it is sexual — AND IT IS GLORIOUS!

On the other hand, when the right man becomes involved with the wrong woman, he is miserable until the day he dies. All the females in the world — the most glamorous, the most beautiful, will never cut it. Without your right woman, you are an unfulfilled man. There is only one woman who has a soul and a body designed just for you, and that one woman is your half. Without her you are nothing, and with some other woman you are miserable! If you have the wrong woman, you are in a mess. When a man has sex with anyone but his right woman, he is giving away his glory to others; he is depriving his right woman of that response of glory.

The wrong woman will be cruel; she can’t help being cruel. You weren’t designed to be with her Everything you do in life is going to be neutralized by having the wrong woman, and it will be a cause of mourning until the day you die. Whether it is two who do not belong to each other or two who have been unfaithful to each other — either way it goes — they will never get away from the sadness and the sorrow. It can’t be drowned out or sublimated away. There’s no way you can change it. There’s one right man for one right woman. No one else will do!

The Jews of Judah illustrate this principle perfectly...…

“How long wilt thou go about, Oh thou backsliding daughter? For the Lord hath created a new thing in the earth. A woman shall compass a man.” (Jer. 31:22)

This verse is a warning to the Jews against apostasy, or the “fifth cycle of discipline” (Lev. 26 :27-39). The backsliding daughter is Judah pictured as a woman. An analogy is set up between the Jews and their relationship with the Lord, and the right woman’s relationship to the right man. The Jews were to have one Lord. This is why their idolatry got them into so much trouble. Idolatry is often illustrated in the Bible by fornication (Ezek. 16). Their backsliding and apostasy resulted from negative volition toward doctrine, scar tissue on the soul and finally idolatry.

To awaken them to their apostasy and to remind them that there is only one Right Man (the Lord) for them, the passage goes on to say:  “the Lord is Jesus Christ, who is the Creator (Col. 1:16). Although He created man to resolve the Angelic Conflict, He did not leave man alone. At the time of original creation, He added a doctrine — the right woman for the right man. Neither polygamy nor harems were a part of God’s direct will! Therefore, “the Lord hath created a new thing in the earth, A woman shall compass a man” (Jer. 31:22). The true connotation of this passage has been hidden in the English; but in the Hebrew it is a revolutionary statement. When the Lord Jesus Christ built the woman, what did He do next? He led the woman over to the man — and the woman encompassed the man!

“Woman” in this passage is not “Ishah,” which emphasized the whole woman. Instead, the Scripture uses “nequbah” here, which is the Hebrew word for female and emphasizes her physiology. The woman’s body is different from the man’s body. The next word, “tesobeb,” is the piel imperfect of the word “sabab,” translated here “to surround or to encompass,” and actually means “to embrace or to fit.” A woman shall fit a man. Her body is different from the male because she is designed like a lock. Did you ever get the wrong key in a lock and jam the whole apparatus?> That could be the story of your married life for the next fifty years if you get the wrong man or the wrong woman!

There is only one man who is designed for a specific woman. Your life may be characterized by “Operation skeleton key,” but it won’t work! Promiscuity destroys the whole concept of sex. A lot of you think, “so what, if I have a little fun now!” Are you ever mistaken! You are so far out of line in your thinking that you are going to make hash out of your life.

But there is a secret to happiness in this passage that is so fantastic physiologically that when it occurs, the right man and the right woman might even rear back and say, “It’s so great, there must be something wrong!” The secret is in this phrase: “a woman shall fit a man.” It describes the design of the right man and the right woman.. They have a perfect should and physiological fit; and as a result, their relationship in sex becomes something which is utterly fantastic and cannot be duplicated with any other person in the world. Now that is what is being taught here. 

We understand that the man is the aggressor; but a man can be an aggressor with the wrong person, and it’s no good. The woman must fit or embrace the man. The Word for “man” in this verse is literally, “hero” (“gaber” in the Hebrew). In other words, when the woman encompasses the right man, he is no longer just a male he is her hero — her right man!

If you are single, I want to inject an application at this point: promiscuity can lead to more unhappiness than almost anything, with the possible exception of mental attitude sins. IT ISN’T WORTH IT, because in all of this vast world, there is just one opposite number for you designed in eternity past — JUST ONE! And you don’t have to worry — God isn’t going to lose it in the computer. Another pitfall to avoid is that of “any port in the storm.” At some time or another, almost everyone has been “Dear Johned” or phased out, and has had some thought along this line. You young people watch out for this trap; it is the devil’s own lie and can lead to tragedy.

THE GLORY OF THE MAN

“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of the man.” (1 Cor. 11:7)

This explains the concept of “hero.” The right woman is the glory of the man just as the believer’s edification complex is the glory of God. First, look at verse 13: “Judge in yourselves: is it comely (proper) that a woman pray unto God uncovered?” The answer is “NO”; but how is she covered? Verse 15:

“..… her hair is given her for a covering.” But with the man, the Bible says, “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” (verse 14). This is teaching the relationship of the right man — right woman.

There are two glories given to the woman in this passage: her long hair is a glory as well as a sign of her submissiveness to the right man. The contrast between the short hair of the man and the long hair of the woman indicates their roles in life. The man is the aggressor and the woman is the responder. However, the woman in her sin failed. She became the aggressor, while the man played the woman’s part. 

Generally throughout history where men have long hair, you are looking at overt signs of a decadent society. Never has there been a society that practiced homosexualism without the comparable “long hair", such as the Greek society in the Age of Pericles. And interestingly enough, at the beginning of Roman power, the Romans had short hair, as is evidenced by the images of many of the great Romans carved out of marble and metal which have survived. Obviously, the artists who have painted the pictures of Jesus Christ with long hair didn’t know anything about the Bible, for the Bible is His Word, and it declares that it is a shame for a man to have long hair.

Man as the “image of God” has to do with the characteristics of the soul: man has self-consciousness — God has self-consciousness, or awareness of self; man has mentality — God has infinite mentality; man his volition — God has sovereignty; man has emotion and appreciation — God has appreciation; man has norms and standards — God has norms and standards.

As the glory of God, man is a “nobleman” (Greek, “aner"), or a believer responding to doctrine. You see, the whole system of the grace apparatus for perception has analogy to the relationship between the man and the woman. Jesus Christ initiates doctrine toward the believer, as the right man initiates love toward the right woman. Like sex, doctrine is placed in the soul through the grace apparatus for perception, and conception takes place in the human spirit (James 1:21 — “engrafted” — implanted or impregnated Word). The “seed” is doctrine (Luke 8:11), and the responder is faith, which transfers that doctrine from the mind to the spirit were it becomes “epignosis”.

The pregnancy in the human spirit leads to four categories of children:

(1) Frame of reference children. This is doctrine cycled back to the right lobe from the human spirit for more advanced doctrine, as well as divine norms and standards, (2) The “exhale twins.” Doctrine is exhaled from the human spirit out the left bank of the soul toward God through faith-rest and prayer; and out the right bank toward men. (3) The eyesight children, by which we see and understand God in true perspective. (4) The edification complex children: grace orientation, mastery of the details of life, relaxed mental attitude, capacity to love, and inner happiness, resulting in triple divine good.

In other words, there is no production from doctrine unless it is believed and therefore transferred to the place where it can be utilized. When man is the glory of God, it is because he has an edification complex of the soul.

Now notice the rest of the analogy: “But the woman is the glory of the man.” When the right woman is fulfilled by the right man, then the woman reflects. First of all, he fulfills her soul, then her body, and she becomes his glory. But she can be glory for ONLY ONE MAN! When the right woman receives from the right man, he sees her in an intimate glory which can never be excelled in time. Sex, therefore, was designed to give overt expression to this relationship; and through it the woman becomes the glory of the man, just as the edification complex, which can never excelled, reflects the glory of God!

RESPONSE TO THE WRONG MAN

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” (Prov. 6:32)

This is stated from the standpoint of the man, but the principle applies both ways. In adultery, the wrong woman gets the wrong man, and something is destroyed in her responses: soulishly, scar tissue forms; physically, sex isn’t what it should be. Adultery also has an effect upon the body.

“Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ’s ? Shall then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.”

(1 Cor. 6:15-17).

There is an analogy here: just as the believer is in union with Christ, so there is a right man for a right woman. There is only one Savior, and every believer is in union with the Savior. Then the analogy crosses over and shows a violation:  the right Savior is the Lord Jesus Christ and the right body is the believer. Now shall the right man go to the wrong woman any more than the believer should worship someone other then Jesus Christ? Definitely not! He violates both sides of the analogy, which is developed in the following verses:

“Therefore, flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? (1 Cor. 6:18-19)

Fornication, both mental and spiritual, is to be avoided like the plague! Why? Other sins are outside the body; but fornication is sinning against your own body. In the woman, the build-up of scar tissue leads either to nymphomania or frigidity The man will be short-circuited so that his ability in the expression of sex love when he is with the right woman will be destroyed. Add to this a guilt reaction, which usually accompanies such activity, and you have a man becoming a baby while a woman turns into a tiger with all the revenge tactics. Again the man’s and the woman’s roles are reversed!

ONE RIGHT WOMAN FOR ONE RIGHT MAN

Monogamy is ordained by God to demonstrate that God has a right man and a right woman for each individual.

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication (because fornication is practiced), let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband (his own and her own — one for one). The wife hath not power of (to arouse) her own body (this indicates that auto-erotism is strong; it is a very cheap substitute), but the husband (the husband can bring out the physical responses of a woman): and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body (and again that handles the problem of auto-erotism), but the wife (1 Cor. 7:2,4).”

There must be coalescence of souls before the body comes into the picture at all.   Why is pornography so popular today? Because there are so many men with wrong women that they must conjure up images in their minds with someone else before they can make love to the person with whom they have a lifetime sentence. It is violation and distortion of something that is wonderful; and it is tragic what this kind of thing does to a society. Sex is reduced to animalism. In the lower creation, the animals do not have souls. Animals will mate with any one of the same species; the animal isn’t particular. It acts only on instinct for the purpose of procreation.

Homosexuality, lesbianism, masturbation are not any kind of an answer. A woman is designed for a man, and a man is designed for a woman — BUT NOT JUST ANY MAN OR ANY WOMAN. There is a RIGHT MAN and a RIGHT WOMAN! It has been true since before man sinned, and nothing will ever replace it. You can drink every bottle in town; you can sublimate in every way humanly possible; but right man — right woman relationship cannot be replaced. There is just one right man and one right woman, and when the two get together, it is the greatest thing in the world. God’s design is perfect! And the happiness derived from a right man-right woman relationship is perfect — for both believer and unbeliever.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life.” _(Eccl. 9:9)

When the right man marries the right woman, even though they are unbelievers with an otherwise empty life (life of vanity), both can find great happiness in that relationship. Now, this statement is a rather startling one. There are very few instances such as this where any happiness outside the plan of God and the grace of God can actually exist. But here we have an exception: an unbeliever, or even a believer with scar tissue on the soul, can find the right woman, the right man, and still have happiness in that relationship.

Now, why is this so important? Because it emphasizes a principle: if an unbeliever with an empty life can be happy with the right woman, just think what you can be as a believer with an edification complex and the right woman, or right man! There’s no end to it — it’s just fantastic!

HOW TO RECOGNIZE RIGHT WOMAN OR RIGHT MAN

One of the questions asked me most frequently, and one I am sure many of you are waiting for, is “How can I tell when it’s the right man, or the right woman?” There are many signals, but the best solution to build an edification complex in the soul.   Then you will have a built in radar set that gives you the blips on the screen when the right one comes along. In other words, don’t worry about it at all, just work on the edification complex. I never saw a person with an edification complex that didn’t have enough sense to know when the right one comes along, but I can’t assume that all of you have an edification complex. So there has to be another way.

When I think of all the knuckleheads who take out some doll and test her to see whether she is the right woman, or the girls who on the first date ask how many children he wants or what kind of furniture he likes, I understand why so many are running scared! Some of you ought to shape up a bit. When you have a date, it should be something innocuous. It may cut the loneliness, but that person isn’t your right man or your right woman. If you’re under 22 or 23, you don’t have enough knowledge yet to know what right man or right woman is!

Now remember, the principle of right man — right woman is for unbelievers as well as believers. The recognition signals are for both categories. I should like to suggest eight of them, all from the Song of Solomon. In most of these passages, the Shulamite woman is speaking of her shepherd lover — right man right woman.

(1) Category 2 love involves one person in your soul whom you never forget and cannot erase. “Tell me, O thou whom my SOUL loveth....” (S/S1:7). Someone who merely turns you on physically, but is not in your soul, is not the right man or right woman. The right one will be in your soul FIRST. Physical attractiveness is not eliminated, butt it isn’t the key. When a man (or woman) is very sweet at one time and very rotten at another, yet he is still in your soul, that’s the person. Your soul will photograph a person and that person is there forever. So your recognition of right man or right woman begins in the soul.

Today sex or body love has been emphasized to the exclusion of soul love. The movies, books advertising, all glorify sex, completely apart from the soul. I have concluded that this is why so many are asking the question concerning identification of right man or right woman. They hear nothing but the body and sex and don’t even know they have a soul. As a result, young people are getting their soul-kicks from drugs. There is an element in this country today which goes in for socialism in sex, which is nothing more than indiscriminate sex practices, or free love. But since there is no soul relationship, they are sublimating with drugs. The whole principle in sensitivity training, even in medical school, is on the body. Consequently, there is increased fornication on the one hand and homosexuality on the other.

You teenagers should have an empty soul, as far as right man or right woman is concerned. Your capacity for category 2 is not yet ready. You should be filling your soul now with norms and standards and divine viewpoint from Bible doctrine so that you will have the basis upon which to identify the right man or right woman at the right time. Recognition occurs in your soul, not in your physiological being.

(2) Category 2 love demands knowledge. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better then wine.” (S/S 1:2). As a person learns about the quality and uses of wine, so a man needs to know something about women, and particularly about one woman, under all conditions. There never was a woman who didn’t have many sides; and if you are such an idiot that you see only one or two — sex and food, for example — then you have missed something really wonderful in life — the whole point of the doctrine of right man and right woman. A lot of you are never going to find your right man or right woman because you don’t know a thing about people.

You girls, by the same token, need to understand something about men. For example, you need to recognize the “wolf.” This type of man has a fantastic, though misplaced confidence in himself, based on pride. He believes that women cannot resist him. Women who are dumb about men are always impressed by this pseudo self-confidence. Frequently, when a man makes such a point of self-confidence, it is a veneer to hide insecurity. A man who assumes that he is irresistible to all women is in great danger spiritually as well as physically and mentally. Excessive love of self — operation “over-think” —

destroys the capacity to love in both the male and the female. 

When Solomon discovered the Shulamite woman, he wanted her above all else; and in his egoism, he erroneously assumed she would not be able to resist him (S/S, Ch. 4). However, he had already destroyed, through promiscuity, any possibility of her being his right woman.   Relationship with others, other then the

right man or right woman destroys the whole principle which God has designed. I am sure the “chaser” has never considered that his whole operation is anti-God, because God designed the right man for the right woman. Although Solomon has been regarded as a great lover, he was actually the most frustrated person alive. After so many women, he no longer had the capacity to love. Promiscuity put so much scar tissue on his soul, it knocked him out.

In Chapter 4, Solomon’s aggressiveness was related only to his selfishness and egocentricity and not to his love (verse 8). “Come with me to Lebanon, my spouse ....” Although Solomon wanted the Shulamite woman to be his bride, he did not think to consult her concerning the honeymoon, but thought only in terms of what he wanted to do. Aggressiveness related to true love always considers the desires of the one love. A man doesn’t have to do a lot of thing to be happy under true love; all needs is for the woman to be happy.

From all outward appearances, Solomon was the most desirable man in the world: he had great physical beauty, he was the wealthiest man of his day, and he had extra ordinary wisdom. But a smart woman would think twice right here — he is planning the honeymoon, and she will have no say whatsoever! This type of man will have to break a lifelong habit of self-centeredness in order to find the right woman; otherwise, he will make an extremely poor lover. The woman’s feelings, her soul, or her body will never be considered. Read verses 9-15 of Chapter 4 and notice the tremendous passion Solomon has worked up for the Shulamite woman without any response what ever from her! Egotism works on egoism in this type of man.

In Chapter 5, verse 1, Solomon steps up his wooing by referring to his experiences with other women. Let’s stop and get a principle right now: experience does not make a good lover! This is one of the greatest fallacies in Category 2 love. A lot of women are snowed on the idea that they need experience in order to be a good responder. But it is not experience which makes a good lover — it is the RIGHT MAN or the RIGHT WOMAN! Experience is the result, not the means.

This verse also brings out another great danger; many times a woman will go for a man because she thinks everyone else’s is going for him! The daughters of Jerusalem (the virgins of the harem) all go for Solomon. They are anxious for the Shulamite woman and Solomon to get on with the wedding: “Eat, O friends,” they say; “drink, yea drink abundantly, O beloved.” But the Shulamite woman is not taken in by the herd instinct. She has identified her right man, and he is in her soul forever.

Now, what about the current idea that in order to repay a man for a nice date, you must kiss him goodnight; or you must show your appreciation for the amount of money he spent on you by an equal amount of “necking”? The argument is that if you don’t , you won’t be popular, you won’t be invited out again, etc. Well, so what? You’ll also avoid all the pitfalls this kind of activity invites. Physical response should come only from soul response; and it is impossible in the course of a date or two to determine true soul response.

(3) Category 2 love is protective, both when the right man is present and when he is absent. When present: Song of Solomon 2:4: “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” The word for “banner” means a “standard of protection.” The right man is not only her Lord, he is her protector at all times. When absent: 1:13 — “A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; it (literally) shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.” Myrrh has a very lovely aroma. In the ancient world, a woman wore a bag of myrrh all night, which hung between her breasts. This pictures the sweet fragrance of memories of the right man in her soul when he is absent. She is protected in his absence by this fragrance of memory. The right woman can go anywhere in the world and be protected by the memory of her right man. This is a beautiful picture of doctrine protecting the believer from temptation.

(4) Love must come from volition or free will. “....stir not up, nor awake my love, till it (love) please (S/S 2:7). The word “please” indicates volition. In other words, “let me choose my own lover.” True love always involves the operation of free will. Any man who seeks to destroy or coerce the volition of a woman is the WRONG MAN! The right man recognizes that what isn’t freely given isn’t worth having. Some men will never understand what true love is all about because to them a woman is a “slot machine”: you put a coin in a slot and get sex. There’s no volition involved in this kind of activity. Although a woman is a responder, once she is positive toward a man, she becomes aggressive in pleasing him. Response in itself has an aggressiveness. This is declared in the woman’s volition. 

(5) True love is tone-oriented. “The voice of my beloved… my beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away” (S/S 2:8, 10). Right man and right woman respond only to each other. A right man (or vice versa) can always tell the mood, the status of the condition of his right woman by the tone of her voice!

(6) The woman’s love responds to the right man when present: “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me” (S/S 2:6); and when absent: “By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not” (3:1). We might say in modern colloquialism, “he turns you on.” This is not ordinary libido; any normal, healthy body has that at times. I’m referring to something beyond libido. I am almost afraid to give this for one reason: some people in the midst of a wave of libido see a big smile and hear a fast line, and they assume that “this is it.” And it isn’t  !They are just caught in a wave of libido and are impressed by certain personalities; but it doesn’t mean a thing.

First Corinthians 7:9 describes the real thing by the word “burning”:  “But if they can not contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” Burning, for the woman, means to trigger insatiability to the point of total desire and a total surrender that excludes even her natural pride. It is constant in contrast to libido, which comes and goes. The right man’s aggressiveness and passion will be consistent and these will satisfy her soul and, later on, her body. There’s an elapse of time here, for remember, soul love MUST PRECEDE sex love! The woman who experiences this for the first time often cries; it is just too much!

(7) When unrequited, love can cause a strange illness, for which there is only one cure. “Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick with (literally) love” (S/S 2:5). “Flagons” and “apples” are tantamount to smelling salts. She is love-sick with unrequited love for her absent shepherd lover.

(8) Category 2 love is recognized by the two persons involved. “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine ...” (S/S 6:3). “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (7:10). There is no doubt about her lover; she has absolute confidence regarding her right man.

THE COMMANDS FOR MARRIAGE

“Unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband” (1 Cor. 7:10). 

The principle of right man — right woman is behind this command. But, you may say, Why, if I ever find the right man, would I want to leave him?” You must be kidding! You’ll want to leave him; you will love him; you will hate him. You will want him; you will want to sweep him out of your soul. You’ll want to make him happy, and you’ll want to hurt him! You’ll want to make him squirm; you’ll want to see him suffer; and you’ll want to see him gloriously happy. These emotions will come at different times (hopefully, not too close together); but they are a sign of the insatiability of the woman toward the man.

“But, and if she depart (right woman), let her remain unmarried (there is no one else for her), or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife” (verse 11). 

If it is the right man — right woman and you do have a tiff, don’t divorce; there will never be anyone else. You may go shopping around; but, if you marry someone else, you’ve had it! The Word of God never permits a remarriage where one of the parties involved has been married in between. (Deut. 24:1-4).

I know of several cases where if was apparently right man — right woman, but having married in their teens, which is a ghastly mistake, they were too young to realize that they had “lucked out.” So they broke out, divorced, married another, and then realized that the first one was the right one. But , Biblically speaking, they can never go back together. The marriage has been short-circuited, and it’s all over. Reconciliation must take place before such a tragedy occurs.

The point of this passage is that in the case of right man — right woman, if one or the other leaves, no matter whether he (or she) stays away a long time or a short time, don’t go out and marry someone else. Be reconciled!

GRACE GIFT FROM THE LORD

When the believer marries the right woman, he has received grace from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22; _“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” This verse has been badly distorted because of its poor translation. I have heard emotional male-types, just back from their honeymoon, say, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing — and I’ve found a good thing!” And she blushed, and he glowed, and everyone beamed at the young couple, and it was sickening! A good rule of thumb is to keep your mouth shut for at least a year; and them if you still feel the same way, quote the verse correctly:

“Whoso findeth a GOOD WIFE” — not a “good thing” Just getting married is not necessarily a good thing; you can find a wife and find a bad thing! In fact, Proverbs warns about a nagging woman! Do you know what a “good wife” is? Right woman! “whoso finds the right woman receives GRACE FROM THE LORD (literally).” The point is, when the believer marries the right woman, it is the GRACE OF GOD! The alternative to this grace gift from the Lord is a life of misery and unhappiness.

“A foolish son is the calamity of his father; and the contentions of a wife, (literally, the naggings of a wife) are a continual dropping (like Chinese torture). House and riches are inheritance of fathers; and a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Prov. 19:13, 14).

Marrying the wrong woman can be “Chinese torture”; and this disaster generally results from not waiting for the right one! You can inherit many things, but the right woman comes only from the Lord. He leads her to you; but you have to wait for her; you have to be prepared, and you have to be able to recognize her!

Exactly what is a “prudent” wife? “Prudent” is “Ishah” (woman) “maskaleth” (wise or wisdom) in the Hebrew. The hiphil stem means “to cause to be wise.” That means she is a believer, and she is functioning daily under the grace apparatus for perception. She has erected an edification complex in her soul. And when the Lord leads this kind of woman to you, you have great blessing and happiness. Not only does the Lord bring the right woman from the standpoint of her soul and body, but what makes it so perfect is that she is spiritually prepared. If you have to wait a hundred years, SHE’S WORTH WAITING FOR!!

THE SHEPHERD AND BISHOP OF THE SOUL

Just as the Lord Jesus Christ is the Shepherd and Bishop of the believer’s soul, so the right man is to the woman’s soul (1 Pet. 2:25; 3:1). So that we might understand the whole concept, let’s begin back at verse 24. 

“Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we being dead in sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed (literally, reconciled).

Jesus Christ possesses all the essence of deity, and therefore, as God, He cannot die. Eternal life cannot die; immutability cannot change eternal life; sovereignty is not subject to death; omnipresence cannot reduce itself to one point. Consequently, in order to die for our sins, Jesus Christ had to become a true member of the human race. All the sins of the world were poured our on the humanity of Christ. The physical death of Christ did not provide our salvation; in His humanity He died spiritually. He was separated from God the Father and God the Holy Spirit as He bore every sin in the human race in His human body.

Why was this necessary? The next phrase tells us: “we were dead in sins” .The first man was perfect or innocent until he went negative signals toward God; then he acquired an old sin nature, which rendered him spiritually dead — no fellowship with God. The sin nature is passed down to every member of the human race so that we are all born spiritually dead and without capability of fellowship with God.

When Christ went to the cross, He had a perfect righteousness which satisfied the Father. The justice of the Father was satisfied when our sins were poured out on Christ and were judged. The Father was completely satisfied with the work of Christ on the cross. God is now free to love us without being inconsistent with His own righteousness and justice. God’s love toward us through salvation is fantastic and unique, based totally on His character. We can do nothing to gain it, nothing to earn it, nothing to improve upon it; it is all of GRACE. That’s why salvation is simply, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.”

(Acts 16:31).

The believer in Jesus Christ has the righteousness of Christ and the means by which he can live daily unto righteousness — the grace apparatus of perception; furthermore, Christ becomes the Bishop or the Guardian of his soul. 

“For ye were as sheep going astray, but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.” (1 Peter 2:25). One of the 36 things that God does for the believer at the moment of salvation is to activate for him a human spirit by which he can understand and fully possess spiritual phenomena. This human spirit is an empty storage area for all the categories of doctrine. Through the human spirit, Jesus Christ is able to guard our souls. His protection is “food”  .We are sheep; we have to have green pasture — Bible doctrine, which is the mind of Christ; and when we take in doctrine, our souls are protected from going astray, through sin, false doctrine and human good.

The right man is also guardian of the right woman’s soul. This lays a tremendous responsibility on the man. It requires orientation to the grace of God and complete understanding of the plan of God. We see here why the woman is called the “weaker vessel” (1 Pet. 3:7) She is not necessarily weak physically. On the inside a woman has a vulnerable soul. She has insatiability toward the man. Only the man — the right man — can fulfill her soul. Once the woman finds the right man, she is dependent on him, and therefore, she is called the weaker vessel.

This principle becomes manifest at a very early age and is described by the expression “boy crazy” .A teenage girl thinks all boys are wonderful — and that is a characteristic of the weaker vessel. Since teenage dates are rarely ever right man — right woman, the young man must be aware that he has a responsibility to guard the young woman’s soul for her right man. While some teenager is dating his future right woman and guarding her soul, he is dating another’s future right woman and guarding her soul. Therefore, teenage dating places great responsibility on the young man in avoiding anything that would build scar tissue on his soul and the soul of his date!

When a woman loves a man, she has the “instincts of love” She automatically does the things that please him. In 1 Cor. 7:34, the woman’s job is declared to be to please her husband. This is a biblical principle of Cat. 2 love. It is described in 1 Pet. 3:1-6 as subjection or submission to her right man. She is under the authority of the man, although it is not designed to be intolerable slavery, but a life of happiness. Why? Because her insatiability is satisfied by this submission.

The woman from her own volition surrenders her freedom to the right man at marriage.  She is not making a trade-out protection for giving her body to a man; she surrenders her soul. The man in turn has the responsibility of fulfilling her soul. Compatibility begins with the inner life, not with an overt attraction. A woman gives to the man she loves all that she has — not money or status symbols — but her soul and her body. But never get the cart before the horse — the soul must come first. When her soul is given, then the expression in sex through the giving of her body becomes a most fantastic thing. Anything else is meaningless. If some of you men have wondered why things have never clicked with you after the honeymoon, you may have forgotten that a woman has a soul, and the soul must be filled. She is a vessel; she is a vacuum seeking to draw something in to her soul; that something is the right man.

All women have a norm or standard about men. This leads to preconceived ideas, which can be a great danger, and renders women vulnerable. Almost every woman enters womanhood with the dream of her man as a knight in shining armor. When some bird comes along with a fast line and an attractive exterior, he appeals to her, and she immediately assumes this is her knight. He may have no norms or standards, but she grabs him, shoves him into her armor concept and marries him. Then she unzips the armor, and out comes a “monster”  .Many a romance has been ruined by marriage because the man had been stuffed into an armor which didn’t fit him at all.

Before you ladies ever consider marriage, you should thoroughly understand the doctrine of “subjection.” You are surrendering your soul as well as your body to the man you marry. You men should completely understand that you are the guardian of the woman’s soul, as well as of her body. Such a marriage becomes greater as the years advance. Before you ever enter into marriage with a man, make sure he is the one you want for the guardian of your soul and body. If he is just a sex athlete, a meal ticket or a status symbol or an escape hatch — forget it!

Ask yourself, are you willing to make this man your lord? Are you willing to do this for life? If not, you have the wrong man. To become one with a man, the woman must surrender her freedom. In return, she receives his love, adoration, protection, companionship, sex. If it is the wrong man, marriage becomes slavery; if it is the right man, marriage becomes one of the greatest blessings of life!

THE SOUL AND BODY RELATIONSHIP

Found in the Song of Solomon is one more passage in the doctrine of right man — right woman which I want to bring to your attention.

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned (S/S 8:6,7).”

As we have already seen, the shepherd lover is the “right man”; the Shulamite woman is his “right woman.” In this passage, the shepherd lover is speaking to the Shulamite woman, whom he has rescued. What he says to her, and her response, beginning in the middle of the verse, add up to one of the most beautiful pictures of Category 2 love. The categorical principle in this passage is a combination of soul and body relationship between one man and one woman, designed by God in eternity past.

In the phrase, “Set me as a seal upon thine heart,” we have the soul relationship of right man — right woman. It is a command by a man who is an aggressor in the right direction and who has properly assessed the situation. He is facing his right woman; she is in his soul; he is in her soul, and they both know this. Although he orders her, his order is based upon a relationship in which he has previously recognized her volition; and in this case, she has willingly surrendered her volition to the one who is in her soul. Every woman has free will, and as far as a relationship with the opposite sex is concerned, there is only one person designed by God who will be in her soul, to whom she will also surrender soul and body, willingly of her own volition.

The Hebrew word for “seal” is a very special one — “chotam.” This is the signet right which a woman carried around her neck. Usually it was suspended on a leather thong or a chain or string, and was of such length that it dropped between her breasts. In Genesis 38:18, we have a similar illustration. When carried by the woman around her neck, the signet ring indicated that she understood there was one man who would fulfill her, who could wear that ring, and the ring would fit. In other words, when the woman recognized that she had something to give ONE MAN, she waited for him; and that is the story of Song of Solomon.

The signet ring is said, first of all, to be upon the heart. The heart refers to the “right lobe” (conscience or norm and standard lobe). This is the part of the soul which is involved in having the right man in the soul. Remember, soul love precedes sex love. The man must be in the right lobe of her soul before she surrenders her body to him. Once in her soul the right man never leaves. There is no way she can get him out; she will never be satisfied with another man. She might be unfaithful, but she will never be satisfied. Ezekiel 16 describes the frustration of a woman trying to erase her right man from her soul.

===========

Ezek. 16:8

{ vs.8 Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.}

9 I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you.

10 I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments.

11 I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck,
12 and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head.

13 So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen.}

==========

Ezek. 16:32, 58, - 63

{vs.32 You adulterous wife! You prefer strangers to your own husband!}

{vs.58 You will bear the consequences of your lewdness and your detestable practices, declares the LORD.

59 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will deal with you as you deserve, because you have despised my oath by breaking the covenant.

60 Yet I will remember the covenant I made with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you.

61 Then you will remember your ways and be ashamed when you receive your sisters, both those who are older than you and those who are younger. I will give them to you as daughters, but not on the basis of my covenant with you.

62 So I will establish my covenant with you, and you will know that I am the LORD.

63 Then, when I make atonement for you for all you have done, you will remember and be ashamed and never again open your mouth because of your humiliation, declares the Sovereign LORD.}

=================

In the heart — that is, the right lobe, the right man fulfills the right woman soulishly: he fulfills her norms and standards; he gives reality to her romantic dreams; he provides fragrance of memories; he provides soul stimulation. (All bona fide sex emanates from the soul.)

Right man-right woman do not stop with soul relationship. Physical or body relationship follows; and therefore, he adds: “as a seal (or signet ring) upon thine arm.” The arm refers to the whole arm, including the lower arm or fingers. It also means strength: “as a seal or signet ring upon your strength.” A woman is strengthened by her relationship with her right man! The ring is also a sign of that enduring relationship. The use of the ring in a marriage ceremony originates from a very ancient custom.

The principle behind the soul and body relationship comes out in the next phrase, “for love is strong as death.” The Hebrew word for “love” is an infinitive which becomes a noun, and is derived from the verb “ahab.” In the qal stem, it means “to breathe hard, to pant, to desire, to be in ecstasy.” By the time you get to the piel stem, it’s “straight-down-the middle” sex. However, the connotation here is right man — right woman When “ahab” is worked into a noun by using the infinitive form, “ahabah,” it becomes a feminine noun, which connotes Category 2 love, (right man — right woman) and it includes both soul relationship and sex relationship, in THAT ORDER.

The word for “strong” in the Hebrew denotes strength in the sense of fortification. In Category 2 love, the right man is a fortification. In Category 2 love, the right man is a fortification around the woman’s soul and body. In fact, Category 2 love is a two-way street. Each fortifies the other, each protects the other, each satisfies and fulfills the other. “as death” is an analogy to bring out the fact that billions of years ago in eternity past, God the Father actually designed provision for your death — dying grace. He also provided for your life — living grace, which includes the right man or the right woman. Since both were designed in eternity past, a love, which is strong as death, is a protective love.

“Love as strong as death” also goes back to the emphasis on the soul. What leaves your body when you die? Your soul! And in a sense, you take your right man or your right woman with you.   You do not leave, as it were your memories, your fragrance, your soul relationship behind. Although the comparative is not used, this also has the connotation of something stronger than death. There are things in life that are stronger then death because they were designed by God in eternity past.

Now we come to the enemy of love:  “jealousy” is cruel as the grave.” The mental attitude sin of jealousy, as well as other mental attitude sins, destroys capacity for Category 2 love. If you are prone to jealousy, you are going to have a very difficult time, even after you find your right man or right woman. If it is not your area of weakness, and you have been free from it all your life, you are certain to experience it AFTER you find your right man or right woman. One way or another, everyone who has ever fallen in love has a round or two with jealousy.

If you are perfectly clear on this, and you have never had one problem with jealousy, you have probably NOT fallen in love, But you might as well start taking in doctrine daily (like two or three hours a day) just to keep yourself in shape for right man or right woman!

Jealousy is cruel — harsh or hardened; it even means to have scar tissue. And then follows an analogy; “as the grave.” Just as the grave robs the loved one, so jealousy robs of love capacity where right man or right woman is involved. Jealousy causes the same type of bereavement, except that you become hard rather than soft. When you lose a loved one through death, you are tender and compassionate; but when you lose a loved one through jealousy, you are hard and cruel. Right man — right woman is something God did in eternity past; but jealousy is something YOU do. You can foul up with jealousy and destroy God’s

design.

 THE INTENSITY OF TRUE LOVE

“.… the coals thereof are coals of fire.” The coals are literally “her flame” — a hot, beautiful fire. This is the “burning of 1 Cor. 7:9.   This doesn’t mean that if you have a wave of libido, it is better to get married. “Burning” is a continuous fire between right man and right woman; a desire to get into each other’s soul, and from there, into each other’s body. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, provided marriage is possible; and in that case, it is better to marry than to burn. Her flame, “ or love’s flame” kindles the fire for a member of the opposite sex, first in the soul, then in the body.

Fire is the perfect illustration of Category 2 love. “Her (love’s) flames are the flames of fire.” This is the passion, the power, the intensity of Category 2 love, the fire that never stops burning. Category 2 love is unique: “...… a most vehement flame.” As Song of Solomon stands in the English, God is not mentioned. However, in the original Hebrew, God is in this passage. Evidently, the scribes who translated the Hebrew were ascetic and couldn’t imagine that God would sponsor anything as much fun as sex; therefore, they removed His name in a very neat way: they simply took out a dagesh, and “God” disappeared. There were no spaces between words in the Hebrew; but by leaving the dagesh out, they hid the word for “God.”

Following the Queer reading, “flames of “ is “shalhebet” and “her” is “jah”; but with a dagesh, it means “God.” “Jah", which isn’t the usual word, but a short ending of it, is used instead of Jehovah in this passage to indicate that God provides a right man for every right woman, whether believer or unbeliever. Therefore, every right man — right woman relationship is from the Lord in the sense that it was designed in eternity past. And the intensity of this relationship is described by the analogy to fire.

“Many waters cannot quench love” (verse 7). Water puts out fire, but all the water in the world cannot put out this fire. What are “many waters”  ?Pressures, disasters, difficulties, misunderstandings, acts of unfaithfulness, lies, mental attitude sins! Did you ever intend to pour water on a fire and accidentally pour kerosene on it instead? Then you get the picture here. In pressure the flames only increase. 

A case in point is Jeremiah 2:25:

“Withhold thy foot from being unshod, and thy throat from thirst, but thou saidst, There is no hope, no — for I have loved strangers, and after them will I go.”

Here is the “right woman", but she has resorted to two escapisms: infidelity and alcohol. “Withhold thy foot from being unshod” means that she is taking off her shoes in some other man’s tent. “And thy throat from thirst” is drinking. “But thou saidst, “There is no hope, no.....” Never! And why? “My right man,” this woman is saying (which by illustration is the Lord), “will never forgive me; there is no hope; I am a lush and a tramp, for I have loved strangers, and after them will I go.” She realizes that the right man is still in her soul, but she has given up hope for a reconciliation.

Now in Jeremiah 2:32 — “Can a maid forget her ornaments (this is the right man), or a bride her attire? Yet my people have forgotten me days without number.” Is the Lord unfaithful? No! Right man — right woman is the illustration of God’s faithfulness. Remember, this woman has gone chasing; she is a lush and a tramp; yet it doesn’t put out the fire. That should give some of you something to think about!

Verse 33 — “Why trimmest thou thy way to seek love? (How easy you make the way to seek love!); therefore hast thou also taught the wicked ones thy ways.”

In other words, you have made love cheap; you have gone after a lot of men, and you have taught others to follow your ways. But this doesn’t make any difference, because, as the Right Man, the Lord is faithful (Jer. 3:12-15).

There is something here a lot of you will never understand, and some of you are going to be hurt very badly if you don’t understand..… no matter what your right man or right woman does, it is not going to put out the fire. You can get mad, you can be upset, you can fall apart, but you can’t extinguish the flame — in time or eternity!

“Love” (S/S 8:6) refers to the right man — right woman relationship designed by God. God designs every thing in a permanent way, and this goes back to the analogy of the flames which build up rather than become extinguished. “Her flames are the flames of fire; the flame is from the Lord. Many waters are not ever able to extinguish the love.” It is God’s design, and that’s it! 

“Neither can the floods drown it....” The word for “floods” denotes all types of situations. “Many floods” are maximum pressures, the most powerful enemies of Category 2 love. Whatever they happen to be, they can’t destroy it. It can’t be inundated or swept away by a flood of pressures.

LOVE CANNOT BE PURCHASED

“If a man would give all the substance of his house for love (here is a man who doesn’t have a right woman and wants to buy one), it would utterly be contemned.” 

How can you buy something God designed in eternity past? You can’t buy your salvation. You can’t DO anything for your salvation; it was designed by God in eternity past. Now the same thing is true right here. You cannot buy Category 2 love — not with all the money in the world. And why?

“it would utterly be contemned.” Literally, “despising, they would despise him.” Category 2 love will totally scorn the person who tries to work for it. Since it is God’s grace design in eternity past, it cannot be purchased or bribed. To attempt to purchase something that only God can provide in His time, is the most common form of legalism in the human race (not spiritual legalism, but human legalism). Category 2 love is not only one of the greatest experiences in life, it is a road to grace orientation.

Always remember, a woman will never love a man she can use. She may use his body, his brains, his bankroll, his status, his influence, his power, BUT SHE WILL NEVER LOVE HIM! At best, she will be fond of him. At worst, she will be bored with him. She may be entertained by him; she may be stimulated by him; she may be flattered by him; but she will never love him. 

Her right man will not be so used. She will love, admire and respect him because he preserves her femininity and controls her bitchiness. She will call him “lord”; she will look for him and find him in her soul. Once he is in her soul, no other man will ever be satisfactory. She may pervert the doctrine of right man and right woman by late-dating on him, by fornicating with another man, by killing a bottle of gin, but at the end of the party, when the bottle is empty, when her temporary sex partner is snoring, when all forms of sublimation are a dead end, or when she marries out of spite or hurts him with the wrong man, she will discover TOO LATE that the right man is still IN HER SOUL! But between them is a mountain of scar tissue. She is left with a love-sickness for which there is no cure, a web of sublimation from which she herself cannot escape. ONLY BIBLE DOCTRINE, ONLY THE GRACE OF GOD can remove the impassable barrier between that right man and right — a tragedy of two people designed by God for each other becoming ships that pass in the night!